Episode 36: Alternate Reality


Who is Brenda the Bride and what does she want from Larry? What wisdom does he give her and all single chix? What’s the Krell Brain Boost and why does Elon Musk need it? Why is Elon Musk a pinhead? Is Larry’s local supermarket a portal to another dimension? Who’s Ravishing Rashmi and how pointy is she? How did Larry miss being killed by a NYC bus, witness a double homicide that looked like an effect from Dune, then eat French food with a pointy chick? Why are Los Angeles pedestrians the stupidest people on earth? How are Furries the same as corporate execs? All this and more!

Ever feel like your entire life is being projected on a screen and you’re just watching, powerless, from the cheap seats? Then this is your episode. Is your entire life an out-of-body experience? Maybe. Ever since The Matrix (actually, well before The Matrix) people have been wondering about parallel universes. And why not? This universe is broken. What’s the customer service number? How do I get in a tech-help chat?

Ever notice how people too cool to say “God” now refer to him/it as “the Universe?” Maybe god needs to be re-branded. Okay, I accept the job. Stop with this “the universe” nonsense. From now on, He shall be called… Frank. (No, not Francesca – He’s definitely a cis.) Our Frank, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy swizzle stick…

I’m not a huge Sci-fi fan yet in this episode Forbidden Planet and Dune are both referenced. I never watched all of Dune – the acne on the fat guy was just too revolting. Seriously. But Forbidden Planet I’ve seen a bunch of times and you should, too. With a pointy chick,  cool ray guns and a machine that enables everyone to be his own Frank, what’s not to like? And who knew that Robby the Robot was a submissive foot freak?

In Los Angeles, maybe the most Frankless city on earth, the pedestrians are generally morons. They step into traffic like they are Frank and cars will bounce off them. And LA motorists think it’s rude to use the horn. They’d rather run you over than toot at you. It’s really idiotic.

Sometimes I wish Frank would destroy everyone in LA except those on my Do Not Destroy list. Once that’s been done, the population would be about 7. 7 is a good number. Frank likes 7. 7 days, 7/11 etc.

I’m supposed to appear on next Dick Show with my as yet unopened bag of Tortilla chips with the foreign matter inside that made my kid puke. Here’s a pic of the puke-inducing substance.






Swing over here Wednesday (7/26/17) for a kick ass bonus episode of Life Hacks from the Dojo. HANDLING TOXIC RELATIVES.

I’ll tell you how to deal with family members who think they’re Frank.

See you tomorrow.