Truth lives at That LARRY SHOW, a weekly sojourn at the crossroads of madness and enlightenment. With LARRY in your life, you'll Take No Sh*t, and laugh your way to victory.
[power press]
When you’ve screwed up big time, can you make your way back?
Write to Brother Larry: thatlarry@show@gmail.com
Call the chapel: 302-71-Larry
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Subscribe: Google Podcasts | Spotify | Stitcher | Email | RSS | More
Podcast: Play in new window | Download Subscribe: Google Podcasts | Spotify | Stitcher | Email | RSS | More
Where are the space aliens hiding among us? ▲ What do they look like? Answer: Like UPS men with Pit Bull dog heads ▲ Do they eat beef jerky?▲ Why do they love doing anal probes? ▲ How to prevent an anal probe ▲ Why do aliens depict Santa as half -dressed and drunk? ▲ Why do they depict Jesus standing on baby heads? ▲ What are Atonemints, and do they really freshen breath as they remove sin? ▲ Did Dorothy have sex with the Scarecrow?▲ Which soda flavor tastes better, Martian Poop or Alien Snot?
These two reptiles might look cute, but they also might be here to wrest control of Earth from us bipeds. Many people believe that aliens aren’t just visiting in their little saucers, but rather, have been here for decades and walk among us. Some also believe those aliens are reptiles in human disguise.
Some other people believe aliens look like this:
That would be the opinion of a woman in Kissimmee, Florida, who described her alien visitor as “around 6’ 3”, 220, wearing a form-fitting tan colored uniform, boots and gloves.” His head was more like what’s pictured here. It does sound like an intergalactic UPS man, doesn’t it?
In this episode, I uncover the truth behind aliens, at least those who live among us. Immigrants tend to toil in the businesses of their predecessors. Lots of Irish used to operate pubs in New York. In L.A., Filipinos often operate old folks homes. And from sea-to-shining-sea, roadside attractions are owned and operated by aliens from another galaxy.
How do I know? With one visit to Charlie Brown Farms in the Antelope Valley of Southern California. The Antelope Valley has no “Housewives of.” The Kardashians have never been there – probably never heard of it. It’s in a place called the “high desert.” High as in altitude and high as in mountains o’ meth. But not at Charlie Brown Farms. Their inventory will take you on a trip industrial – strength LSD could not.
How would this likeness of Duke Wayne look, tucked between your foosball and Pong machines? (It’s only $660 – 50% off!)
Was there sub-textual creepiness going on in the Wizard of Oz? Clearly, this artisan thinks so.
Thirsty? Have a swig of the local brew – imported from a few galaxies east of this one.
Have you been stressed of late? Tense, ready to snap? With this psycho killer clown on your breakfast table egging you on, you’ll hasten your destiny and those of your victims. The voices he’ll put in you head will not be ignored. Pass the salt and the chain-saw, please.
Aliens know more than we do. They see past Sanitized Santa and are drinking buddies with the real McCoy – a perpetually loaded reprobate who lives in North Miami Beach where the only poles are the ones in the strip joints he hangs out at. Here is Authentic Santa:
Lastly, Aliens do some serious traveling; not the Mickey Mouse distances we traverse. So they leave nothing to chance, including their women. Here’s a cast-iron chastity belt for the serendipitous price of $69.
Gotta go now. I’m racing in the Saturn 500. It’s not an oval, track, it’s a circle. On the rings of Saturn. Wish me luck.
And keep watching the skies. And the curio shops.
Write to Larry with your UFO story: thatlarryshow@gmail.com
Call Larry: 302-71-Larry
Podcast: Play in new window | Download Subscribe: Google Podcasts | Spotify | Stitcher | Email | RSS | More
What are the ruins of tomorrow – Larry predicts ● What really caused Chernobyl? ● What Larry finds when he tours a bomb shelter ● Bomb shelters vs panic rooms – which is for sissys? ● What’s a Heracles couch and why do men need one? ● The movie in your head and how it can destroy you ● Who needs a $70,000 cork screw? ● How a New York paradise turned itself into a ruin ● The word nitwits love to use ● Larry reveals his secret recipe for the best malted milk shake ● What junkyard ghosts know about you
**********************************************************
This episode is about two things. First ruins, then desire. Then it circles back to ruins. Maybe that’s no accident. Don’t desires sometimes lead us to ruin?
What is it about ruins? Why do they fascinate? As a kid, I would rather poke around some long-abandoned building than explore the newest, shiniest skyscraper. I still feel that way.
If I took a trip around the world, I’d want the ruins tour. You can keep the freshly minted; gimme musty, crumbling, leaning, rickety structures.
A couple of years ago, I drove from New England to LA. The only stuff I really looked at was rusty, cracked, and/or decayed. One of the oddest was this school, which I think was somewhere in west Texas.
Though a warm sunny day, it was still eerie as hell. The wind whistled through those swings and monkey bars. 
When I closed my eyes, I could hear kids laughing and doing sing-songs as they jumped rope.
Looking through the broken windows was like peering into another dimension. And I could not get enough of it. I didn’t want to leave. I wanted to have a picnic right there on the broken concrete steps of that school. A retro hero with a side of nostalgia, please. And hold the introspection. No analysis. Just listen to the wind moan through the broken windows and sagebrush. When it gets cold, I’ll leave.
The other half of this episode is about desire. We all want everything – but what makes us want what we want? Answer: the movie in our head. Unless it’s a bag of potatoes or a tank of gas – some commodity. But if it’s a more personal and unnecessary item – we want it because of the role we assign it in the screenplay of our life. Anything from a new pair of shoes to an automobile can start the projector and fill the 16:9 screen in our minds.
Like this video for the Heracles couch.
I need one of those like I need a hole in my ass, but that doesn’t stop me from wanting one. In the movie in my head, I’m sitting on that couch and inexplicably, a squad from Isis bursts into my living room, just as Kevin O’Leary is telling some wantrepeneur “you’re dead to me.” Then, as I use a bullet proof couch cushion for a shield, I whip out a 12 gauge pump from the safe inside the couch and with 3.5 inch shells filled with 00 buckshot, I paint the walls with terrorist blood and hair. And the chick in the video smiles and tells me I’m great.
When the episode circles back to ruins, it’s a whispered monologue from an automotive graveyard. Some guy’s former pride and joy, once a gleaming, rolling boudoir but now a rusting heap of above-ground landfill, reminisces with another jilted lover – an ancient pickup truck.
If our cars could talk, oh, the things they would say about us.
Write to Larry: thatlarryshow@gmail.com
Call Larry: 302-71-Larry
Podcast: Play in new window | Download Subscribe: Google Podcasts | Spotify | Stitcher | Email | RSS | More
Larry performs a miracle ● How to get sainted! ● Larry envisions his Feast Day ● Are Pope saints politically rigged? ● Which saints can be your fixers? ● Why Bar Mitzvahs beat Confirmations ● The heavenly advocates that are better than saints ● What’s “heroic virtue?” ● All this and more in Brother Larry’s St. Paddy’s Day Special!
Write to Brother Larry: thatlarryshow@gmail.com
Call the chapel: 302-71-Larry
Podcast: Play in new window | Download Subscribe: Google Podcasts | Spotify | Stitcher | Email | RSS | More
What’s behind College-Gate? ● Why is everyone guilty – including the FBI? ● What makes a school “elite?” ● What’s the toughest part about being a father (hint: it’s not the kid) ● What is America’s true national pastime? ● Who are the most fu*ked up people in America?
Support That LARRY SHOW
Write to Larry: thatlarryshow@gmail.com
Follow That LARRY SHOW on Twitter
Call the show: 302-71-Larry
Podcast: Play in new window | Download Subscribe: Google Podcasts | Spotify | Stitcher | Email | RSS | More
Are you an auto-sexual? ● Why are NBA stars depressed? ● How will Larry destroy social media? ● What will the UK do without free internet porn? ● Who wants to “save’ the World Wide Web and why is he an idiot? ● Why Gen Z’s are dumping smart phones for dumb phones ● Why are we letting Silicon Valley manlets put us in the corner? ● How can we cut off their balls? ● All this and more in Episode 171
Write to Larry: thatlarryshow@gmail.com
Call the Dojo: 302-71-Larry
How to take the training wheels off YOUR life ♠ The 2 words that make you lose ♠ The 4 words that make you win ♠ Cars that snitch on you ♠ The greatest shit-takers of all time ♠ How we rationalize defeat ♠ How you can win conflicts ♠ The childhood incident that changed Larry’s’ life forever ♠ The mysterious stranger who inspired the Take No Shit credo ♠ The reading of the TNS Dojo Honor Roll
Write to Larry: thatlarryshow@gmail.com
Call the Dojo: 302-71-Larry
Podcast: Play in new window | Download Subscribe: Google Podcasts | Spotify | Stitcher | Email | RSS | More
Would Jesus do Mardi Gras? ● Why has Lent become 6 weeks of insufferable virtue signaling? ● What kind of woman is “Church Hot?” ● What’s a Faux Modest Goddess and why are they a worthy obsession? ● What did the Beverly Hills priest say that pissed off his congregation? ● Why you shouldn’t bother giving up chocolate or booze or anything for Lent ● Which Sunday podcast do soldiers in Iraq listen to? ● All this and more, in Sinners’ Sunday # 51
Write to Brother Larry: thatlarryshow@gmail.com
Call the chapel: 302-71-larry
Here’s the image of the Federal jail in LA. Beyond creepy, yes?
