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UNCOVERED: The poker table in the desert where space aliens play 5-Card Draw ▲ LOCATED: All the crap in the world ▲ DEFINED: The difference between crap and shit ▲ REVEALED: # of days we waste searching for misplaced crap ▲ EXPLAINED: Why the Mojave lures beings from other galaxies ▲ CURATED: Doll-Head Art — what is it and where can you buy some – cheap? ▲ UNLOCKED: every mystery, in this very special episode!
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Is a picture worth a thousand words? If it’s DaVinci’s Salvator Mundi, which fetched $450 million at auction, hell yeah... a thousand words in 24 karat gold. Da Vinci aside, even the most clever wordsmith can’t compete with the truth and brevity of un-doctored photograph.
In this Part 2 of Call of the Weird, come traipse with me through the Sky Village Swap Mee (sic)–
See – an image of the sign says it better than I ever could. Kind of like that old Henny Youngman joke – take my wife… please! Since the Mojave is reputed to be an interstellar travel depot, perhaps that sign is a clever allegory – swap MEE for one of your fellow alien beings and take me the fuck off this planet! A lot of people share that desperate sentiment. How do I know?
I’m one of them.
We have our own secret signals and handshakes. In fact, handshaking is one of the most obvious. If someone wants to shake my hand, I’ll shake. Fuck Fauci. He’s a liar and a punk and is criminally culpable for a lot of awful things. His felonious fuckery dates back to the dawn of the AIDS crisis in the 80s. Informed people hate him. With good reason.
Another covert communique is walking around in the great out-doors bare-faced. When we Daredevils pass each other on hiking trails or sidewalks, we smile knowingly. And we can see each other smile. Imagine that.
We also see the signals from those Safety Firsters who are quite happy with this planet’s current state of irrational fear and mindless, twitch-muscle obedience to self-proclaimed “experts…” big Pharma scumbags, social media tycoons and gubmnt douche-bags. Like NY’s Cuomo and California’s Newsom. Cuomo should be sharing a cell with Fauci and Newsom should be bitch-slapped so hard, his hair-do comes undone.
When the Safety Firsters leave their basements, their rheumy, vitamin D-depleted eyes throw hate bombs at us Daredevils’ naked faces. They silently wish their orbs could generate a death ray like General Zod in Superman II. Which is why I always wear mirrored shades. Right back atcha! Sometimes they cross the street rather than cross our paths. I’m good with that.
At the Sky Village Swap Mee, the signage is a lot more serious about masking than the vendors are. In fact, the vendors appear to be serious about nothing. Just look at the orderly display of their inventory.
Some vendors call themselves “artisans” rather than artists. Of course, 3 syllables is always better than two, especially when you’re slinging bullshit. Besides tie-dyed apparel and taffy twist hash pipes, they output a lot of what I call Doll Head Art. Why doll heads? Because they really amp-up the creep factor. Just as Alice Cooper.
And what is the fascination with toilets?
Does your yard look unremarkable? Make it stand out, with a life size, rusty IRON STAGECOACH. You’ll be the talk of the town. Best of all, the neighbors who hate it… cannot burn it or break it. Only a crew with acetylene torches can make it go away.
US Park Rangers claim these are ancient petroglyphs. That’s bullshit. They’re emojis.
In the high desert, the message is… there is no message.
How much would you pay for this? Okay, how much would you demand to haul it to a dump?
Is he sniffing glue?
Hand-carved by Andrew Lloyd Weber
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Write to Larry: thatlarryshow@gmail.com
