Truth lives at That LARRY SHOW, a weekly sojourn at the crossroads of madness and enlightenment. With LARRY in your life, you'll Take No Sh*t, and laugh your way to victory.
What happens when Tony and Larry meet a man with a rifle on a dark mountain road? ♠ Tony wises Larry up ♠ Larry discovers there’s more to chicks than pointiness ♠ Tony goes cowboy and regrets it ♠ What are Mummers, and how did they drive Tony crazy? ♠ Tony predicts Larry’s future, years in advance ♠ Come along with Tony, Larry and their pointy chicks for an adventure in the Poconos!
What time is displayed on the Doomsday Clock? ▲Discover the FUN method of execution everyone’s talking about, ‘Blown From A Gun!’▲ How to stop worrying and start loving the Corona virus ▲ What is the Vortex of Doom and how can you profit from it? ▲ An eyewitness account of a “Blown From A Gun” execution ▲ Why Daffy Duck and Road Runner kicked Mickey & Minnie’s asses ▲ Calm your fears and laugh at danger, in this devil-may-care episode!
Poet Robbie Burns first mentioned man’s inhumanity to man. And no matter how fucking civilized we may think we are, that bloodthirsty savage isn’t too far from the surface.
Witness this:
He looks serene for a man about out o be blown up.
Above is some dude, probably guilty of no more than fighting for the wrong side, about to be disintegrated in a most graphic, efficient and intimidating fashion. It was called “blown by a gun,” and it was all the rage in colonial India. The Brits did not invent it, but they embraced it with both arms and a ramrod. Being the masters of PR they have been for centuries, here’s the sanitized rendering by the Crown:
Doesn’t look too nasty at all, does it.
Never a nation to let a crisis go to waste, the UK blamed the Irish potato famine in full for a million Micks dead by starvation. In fact, most died because the genteel Brits blockaded their ports. The victors do write (and paint) history.
By the way, I can say Mick, because despite my Teutonic surname, I am a Mick – about 95%, so if anyone finds my use of Mick offensive, they can pogue mahone.
This Corona virus thing is being used much like the potato famine. I’m not big on conspiracy theories, but the media is, without question – spreading panic to crash the U.S. (i.e. the world’s) economy, which will make Commie lies and politicians attractive to mouth-breathing foolswho think the gulag is a dance craze.
But even in the worst of times, some people manage to live well, even large, so why not you?
The stock market may plunge, but, contrary to the desires of Commie scum (and they’re ALL scum) it will not evaporate. Many of the richest assholes on earth ARE Commies – Soros and Putin to name two. Although Putin is really up the in the stratosphere with a net worth in the $60 billion range. He must have swung that hammer and sickle really hard.
So if you have any spare jing, buy stocks. It’s pretty much a no-brainer.
Here’s the guy who inspired the title of this episode, with the term doomvortex. His white board is a little confusing. But what matters is, he’s having fun, even in the doom vortex.
High-colonic enemas – are they right for you? ♦ How to unplug – anytime, anywhere ♦ How to detox like a movie star ♦ Why did they call Larry “Houdini?” ♦ Should you swim with dry ice? ♦ Why Larry wants to hang out with Vlad Putin (and NOT Justin Trudeau) ♦ Suggested small talk for your first professional enema ♦ All this and more in this CLEANSING episode!
Beware the Coronavirus SUPER-SPREADER! ▲ The 3 easy things YOU need to establish a successful cult and GET RICH! ▲ The cult leader with 93 Rolls Royce automobiles who lectures about greed ▲ How to spot suckers that will make you rich ▲ The biker that enlightened Larry about cults ▲ All this and more in this mystical episode!
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The news is always insane. Usually, it’s one flavor or insanity at a time. But now, we have a plague conflated with a doomsday cult, which is more fun than a barrel full of deadly pathogens. When I first read the term “super–spreader,” I laughed out loud. In my mind, I saw some guy with a gator-sized maw running through thick crowds as he sneezed and coughed – a human Godzilla spreading death with droplets of diseased saliva and sputum.
Unlike Godzilla, It would take a while for the crowd to react to him. Godzilla was the size of a building. A person – even a deadly one – just isn’t as noticeable. But after a while, after the threat spread through the throng, people would run in terror. That’s always fun to watch.
That could happen in real life, right? What an opportunity for pranksters! The same warped mind that would joke about a bomb on an airplane, could point to a stranger – or a friend – and scream CORONA SUPER SPREADER! And people would scatter and flee as they would from a live grenade. (Gee, is that warped mind mine?}
Of course, some idiot would dial 911. Idiots always dial 911, thinking cops can handle anything just like in idiot movies and idiot TV shows. And when the cops showed up – what would they do?
This is the third episode I’ve created that dealt (in part) with Corona virus. And as usual, in this so-called ‘information age,’ nobody knows what the fuck is going on. Wall St. is shitting blood, Asian cities are on lock-down and tales of madness are flying like monkeys over Oz. Where does the truth lie?
Only time will tell.
A few days ago, I stopped in Home Depot to pick up stuff for a minor sand and paint job. Face masks were sold out.
As the death-toll rises, so will Krazy Kult enrollment. Even when the world is kinda / sorta on an even keel, morons throng cults. When the apocalypse is nigh, those cults won’t need to recruit, they’ll have monstrous cover-charges at the temple door, like trendy nightclubs.
Nobody wants to drink alone. Or die alone.
In this episode, I dump all over this dead asshole.
Rajneesh, aka Bhagwan, aka Osho. Deceased. Morons still wor$hip him.
BTW, why do people say we should have respect for the dead? When assholes die, do they become great guys? Maybe defamers of the dead are worried about being haunted? Or meeting an angry, vengeful soul on the other side? I’m no brawler, but I’m confident my ghost can kick his ghost’s ass.
Anyway, his name was Rajneesh, thenBhagwan, and just before he croaked, Osho. (Ever notice how assholes are always changing their names?) He was a con artist and bilked thousands of morons out of tens (hundreds?) of millions of dollars. The morons bought him Lear jets and 93 Rolls Royce automobiles and hundreds of iced Rolex watches etc. And he had the balls to preach about greed.
I don’t hate him, though. I envy him. To be honest, people that stupid deserve to be bilked. They really do. And then ridiculed.
A major star. A sex therapist. How ‘journalists’ manipulated the story.♦ Why restraining orders and gun free zones are stupid ♦ How neighbors are different in L.A. ♦ The signal-jamming bracelet you need to wear ♦ Airline seat recline debate… SETTLED! ♦ Why people smile when discussing murder ♦ All this and more in this deep dive into Hollywood fakery.
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Los Angeles is where fake was invented and perfected. A metropolis built on bullshit. Plastic people – literally – toupees and botox and collagen and steroid muscles and elevator shoes and porcelain veneers. Even when somebody gets killed, the media just has to put some top spin on the story, in case it isn’t sufficiently titillating.
Like this story from ABC-TV about the murder of a sexy sex therapist who was engaged to a big TV star who had nothing to do with her murder.
Once I parse that, have a look at this nutty bracelet.
Would I wear one? Fuck yeah. And so would you if you’d like to jam the cell phones of all the cretins yammering on them. What a fine device! The device that renders other devices helpless. And you wear it on your wrist. Does it look goofy? Yeah. But who cares? The thing has power. The power to shut people up. We all want that power, don’t we? Maybe even more than flight, invisibility or super-human strength.
Who’s the the chooch above? He’s Eddie, the CEO of Delta Airlines, and he’s as clueless as his counterparts at the other airlines.. He thinks he has the solution to seat reclining misery, and that the solution is courtesy. He’s completely full of shit. Courtesy does not expand space.
Also, airline seats do not recline. A Lazy Boy reclines. Airline seats merely move an inch or two, which does nothing for your comfort, while fucking up the flight for the person behind you if they are larger than a poodle.
So, I verbally kick a fresh hole in Eddie’s ass, as is my right, and my calling.
Larry schools astrophysicists ● Proven ways to drive people nuts ● Intergalactic radio mysteries solved! ● Why ham radio & CB kick the Internet’s ass ● What Larry did that made a trucker threaten to kill him ● How trucker listeners make a Larry wish come true ● Hop aboard this episode and see how we roll!
Is this the end, and if so, how you can enjoy it! ▲ Why Indonesia is smarter than USA ▲ How Corona virus will redefine heroes and crises ▲ How Corona virus and Google have revealed where the dumbest Americans live ▲ Larry’s jungle encounter with the world’s biggest rat ▲ The sailors who should not sail ▲ How the “honor system” may destroy us all ▲ How Larry’s fishing skills fed an entire cruise ship ▲ All this and more in this infectious episode!
The last words in the movie Gone With The Wind were “tomorrow is another day.” In 2020, tomorrow is another doomsday.
I’m okay with that.
I’ve done a lot of shows about doomsday. I have, what I call my doomsday suite. Here’s a partial gallery
The (partial) TLS DOOMSDAY SUITE
There’s lots more where that came from. Why is doomsday so popular?
I think you’re looking at the reason right now. IRL as they say, real shit happens and nothing is more real than the end of the world. Our lives have become so fucking artificial, so digitized, that every corpuscle is screaming for authenticity.
Corona virus is the doom du jour. There are and have been others – lot’s of ‘em. Y2k, Ebola, depleted ozone layer, climate change (or climate catastrophe as they now call it). Why, just a few weeks ago when a drone vaporized that terrorist “general,” many fucktards cried, “it’s the start of World War III!” Do they realize they are fucktards? No. fucktards never do.
While you’re here, let me say that I’m glad they obliterated him. His face pisses me off. Look at the perfectly coiffed hair. The “I’m so rugged” beard trimmed to the millimeter. The arrogant expression. He’s dead now. So far, no WW3. Gee whiz.
Look below – passengers de-planing in Indonesia after traveling from the Wuhan Corona hot zone. Those guys dressed like Minions are spraying them with disinfectant. Next, they put them in isolation for a fortnight. (That may be the first time I’ve ever actually used the word fortnight. May be the last.)
Welcome to Indonesia. Now get the fuck in quarantine, you existential threats!
Good idea. Indonesia isn’t taking any chances with contagion. But here in namby-pamby USA, we ask people from the hot zone if they feel ok. If they say yes, we send them on their way with “have a nice day.” No one would lie, would they?
The honor system. It’s the fucktard system. It’s the system that might really thin out our growing population.
They’re not taking any Corona virus shit in Italy either.
Look at this stupid fucking “ship.”
Soviet housing project strapped to a barge.
Italy quarantined the whole damn thing – over 6,000 passengers and crew – until they were certain nobody was bringing Corona virus into the land of popes and pointy chicks. Saluda L’italia!
Is Corona virus the agent of doom we’ve been hoping for?
How to make $$ from the plague▲ How bad will it get? ▲ Did crows foretell this impending doomsday? ▲ What they should re-name Coronavirus to make it scarier ▲ Getting through your 20’s unscathed ▲ Do parents matter, and if so, how much?▲ Why I don’t give a shit about Gary Vaynerchuk, and you shouldn’t either ▲ All this and more in this contagious episode!
What’s the high desert and why does it beat the low desert?♦What is it about the desert that mesmerizes?♦What pissed off Sinatra so much he went nuts with a sledgehammer?♦ Why did the Pharaohsreallybuild the Sphinx? ♦ How long is the wait list to sleep in a motel room where a semi-famous guy OD’d nearly 50 years ago? ♦ What can you do to screw with people long after you die? ♦ These and other burning questions are answered when Larry returns to his favorite place, the haunted Mojave desert!
Usually, I write some kind of narrative for the images I post. Not this time. The Mojave desert is just too big. If you listen to the episode, these images will speak for themselves. (In a dry rasp, from too much straight tequila and dry, thin air.)
Enjoy.
This is Dinny. He doesn’t say much.MISTER Rex. A pompous asshole with anger issues.
Dinny and MISTER (always MISTER) guard the gateway to the Coachella Valley, a place of desert weirdness.
A wind farm in the desert.
Question: where the hell did that tree log come from? There’s nothing but sand and rock for many miles. The desert is a riddle and that’s part of its allure.
Why? Who? How?
See these busted headphones? What the fuck are they doing hanging on a barbed-wire topped, chain link fence? I’ll tell you. They answer the riddle of the Sphinx – 5,000 years later and 8,000 miles away. Listen to the episode and you’ll realize how right I am.
Casa Sinatra
Once upon a time, Old Blue Eyes hung his fedora within the above domicile. He thought he was buddies with JFK, whom he helped get elected. But then Jack the Haircut rat-fucked Frank and Frank went apeshit with a sledgehammer. What did Frank bust up? The answer is in the episode.
Yeah, they got that.
So you’re blasting through the desert on 2-lane blacktop. You see this collection of rusty reptiles. You’ve been looking for them all your life. You stop and pay any price. Happens all the time.
The road to the high desert — and high adventure.
With tacky Palm Springs barely visible in the rear-view, you head for the better desert – the high desert. Once there, you can look UP at God or DOWN on the unenlightened, madding crowd in the flats. The high desert should have a sign in the sky “RESERVED FOR HIGHER LIFE FORMS.”
Glass abacus?
A lot of artists live up there in the high desert, and they make some bizarre and cool and awful stuff. Is this a hangover-counter? Would be fun at a target range, no? If they switched out the vertical dowels for rope, it would be a wind chime to make you suicidal.
Heads.
Is the cool one wearing the shades?
Obey her!
Screw Yelp. I’ll eat and drink at ANY saloon with her on the door. The Dali-esque six-shooter says her tequila will make you hallucinate. Her flesh guns are pretty good, too. Probably a champion arm-wrestler.
Joshua Tree
They named a town, a state park and an old U2 album after this tree. Well, not this particular tree. Second time it had snowed in a quarter century. Lucky me.
Where’s the stuffed buffalo?
Yup. He’s at the point of the yellow arrow. Lots of joints like Willie Boy’s (I’m glad they got the apostrophe right) in the high desert. Most of them have some type of animal on the roof. Not sure why, but I dig ’em. Desert dreams run big and intense. But few work out.
Motel with a sad story.
Driving by this place tripped a wire in my mind. So I Duckduckgo’d it (I DON’T USE COMMIE GOOGLE!). Sure enough, this place is where Country Rock godfather Gram Parsons flamed out in 1973 at the age of 26. I had to go inside…
C’mon in. Kick your boots off and stay a while. The fire’s nice ‘n’ toasty.
Who could resist a window like this? Not I.
Table for 3. Don’t mind the ghosts.
It’s even better on the inside.
Not your typical lobby art.
Some called Parsons the “Cosmic Cowboy.” There’s a wait-list to sleep in room #8 where he OD’d. Who would do that? And why?
9 fret, concrete guitar / shrine.
The obscured words are, I believe, “safe at home.” Was Parsons a baseball fan? I had no tchotcke offerings to leave. Though I did drink a tequila toast to him when I returned to my hotel.
John McAfee reveals: HOW TO FIND A GIRLFRIEND ♠ His Take No Shit credo ♠ How the CIA controls America ♠ How to play Russian Roulette and live to play again… and again! ♠ John agrees that I may be his running mate in his POTUS campaign 2020 ♠ How to extricate yourself from a job you hate ♠ His thoughts on the cast of his forthcoming biopic ♠ What makes John McAfee happiest? ♠ All this and more in Part 2 of my interview with this extraordinary outlaw!
