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Why is mass suicide so damn funny? • Who is that Mensa-Pony-Tail-God-Girl in every TV commercial? • Who is her chinless, mouth-breathing, nematode co-star? • Why Larry never watches football • Why Starbucks is the best venue for suicide recruitment • New recordings from inside the Heaven’s Gate death mansion! • How to join Larry’s suicide cult, “Skull Rock” (act now!) • Your own suicide – death-cult starter kit. • All this in the ill-est episode of that LARRY SHOW yet!
First, the man-bashing. It’s so ubiquitous in the media, we’ve become to inured to it.
What do I mean? Watch this stupid ad.
STUPID CARGURUS.COM AD
Greasy-headed manlet-moron can’t pick a car until slim, trim, perky femme arrives with smart phone and smart brain and shows him what an imbecile he is with two swipes of her manicured thumb.
We see this same tableau played out on every sitcom, in every movie and every commercial. If it was stupid female straightened out by smart male, there would be boycotts, there would be firings, there would be a shit-storm.
If you haven’t noticed, males are the new underclass. Fewer of them in college, way more of them in jail (serving longer sentences for identical crimes as female convicts) a pittance in research for prostate cancer (which has a way higher fatality rate than breast cancer), fewer men in white collar jobs. Glass cieling? Utter bullshit. Same as the wage gap.
Wake the fuck up, people. There is no war on women. There never was.
Next, there’s a big asteroid slated to swing by Earth, up close and personal, this November. They say it resembles a skull. That means somebody on this sphere must be ginning up a new suicide cult in prep for it. Because mass suicides seem to run in 20 year intervals – Jonestown, ‘78 – Heaven’s Gate, ‘97 – let’s get something set up for ‘18, people!
So in prep for Skull – The Asteroid of Death:
we dug back into the archives and discovered previously unknown recordings of the architect of the Heaven’s Gate mass suicide, Marshall “Do” Applewhite.
Have a listen, you’ll be amazed.
What’s the connection between Manhaters/The War on Men and Do Applewhite? He insisted all his male “voyagers” have their balls cut off before blast off. He himself was a happy, placid gelding.
Maybe Do was ahead of his time.
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