That LARRY SHOW

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Navigating the relationship minefield • Decoding chick speak• 2 dangerous words chicks want you to say that gives them the advantage • Your 2 word answer that makes her go ballistic • Why did Larry bounce a trash can off someone’s head? • Who fights dirty in the battle of the sexes? • The premiere episode of a new Patreon only series, LIFE HACKS FROM THE DOJO – only on Patreon and only a buck!

Face it, chicks have us out-gunned in emotional warfare… until now. In this must-listen mini-sode, you’ll learn the verbal judo you need to keep her off balance and yourself off the mat. Don’t be first to tap out – join Patreon now and get wise!

 

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Larry’s prank call that had NYC cops chasing their tails •  The mass-suicide that was hilarious! • Why YOU are in a CULT and don’t even know it • Which cult did Larry escape from? • How a creepy, talentless dwarf got a harem (and you can, too!) • The cult that hitched a ride on a comet • What to wear to heaven • Why St. Peter cares about your shoes • The pointy chix who fought for Larry’s soul  • America’s new, fun religion • All this and more!

Question: What’s more fun than a mass-suicide of 39 web developers, many of whom were self-gelded?

Answer: Nothing. That’s about as funny as life (and death) gets. The Heaven’s Gate story happened 20 years ago, and I’m still laughing. And you will too when you stroll down Suicide Lane with Do Applewhite and his batshit-crazy disciples. See for yourself – their website is still up, right here . Is it wrong to laugh at the dead? Not those dead.

From that doughy little pissant in Pyongyang to your neighbor who thinks immortality is attainable through wheat-grass and date shakes, cults are just plain funny. Which is why I had to do this show. Cults are such a rich vein of comic material, it was tough keeping the episode to my usual compact length. I’m already considering a sequel. If you know any nutty adult cults about to do something sick to themselves, please give me advance notice. I want the scoop.

In this episode, you’ll meet Carson Bates, the rich-kid round-peg in a hexagonal hole who wound up with a genie hair-do, a saffron robe and a big goofy drum. And had platoons of NY cops looking for him, thanks to a prank phone call from moi.

Meet the impossibly pointy Tonya & Sister Stevens, who fought to induct me into their respective cults.  Women — you can’t live with them and you can’t recruit stupid men without them.

Take a second look at the foreign matter my kid discovered in a bag of tortilla chips. What the hell is that thing? Maybe there should be some kind of guessing contest. Suggestions are welcome.

Lay them on me at thatlarryshow@gmail.com.

Or ramble mindlessly at 302-71-larry.

Looks like Dick Masterson has been banned from Twitter again. Maybe we can carry his flag while he’s in the corner. Tweet at me.

Gotta go now. My saffron robe is just in from the dry cleaners. Hare Krishna!

 

 

 

 

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Like free speech? Like seeing a billion dollar Goliath get its ass kicked by a David with a microphone? Then this your episode.

5 fast minutes of brutal, head-snapping, lie-pummeling truth. CNN hits the Dojo floor like the rotting cadaver it is.

Special thanks to my ass-kicking tag-teamer,  TNS Dojo Co-Counsel Nick Rekieta. And to dojo member Matt Reifler (for suggesting this episode.)

Shorties like this episode can easily go viral – share it with the world!

TNS!

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The martial art chicks use to kick your ass • How social media can trigger a diabetic coma • The phrase that separates liars from truth tellers • How Larry’s pal was lobotomized by a pointy chick • What is the “truth app?” • Life hacks from the dojo • What do serial killers and super-heroes have in common? • What’s in the tortilla chip bag that made Larry’s kid puke? •  All this and more!

We’ve all got our secrets, and we know they’re safe with the NSA and Julian Assange. in this episode you ‘ll learn to decipher the code of social media romantic BS that can save you rivers of tears and oceans of money.

You’ll get a first look at the new feature, Life Hacks From The Dojo. (They ain’t no TED talks, folks.) In this debut segment, you’ll learn how to (non-violently) flip price-gouging salespeople and get what you need at rock bottom prices. Life is one big negotiation, and TNS Dojo members always win.

You’ll also get a peek at the new mystery that’s got a billion dollar food company soiling its diapers. What the hell is in the tortilla chip bag that made Larry’s kid puke? We don’t know, because the bag is still unopened. But it sure as hell doesn’t look like something you’d want to eat.

What’s your guess? Email it to us at thatlarryshow@gmail.com. Or call us at 302-71-Larry. Give us your guess and/or tell us what foreign matter showed up in your snack pack.

 

 

Geraldo Rivera got famous when all of America tuned in to see Al Capone’s safe opened, where they found… nothing. Look at that picture, kids – does that look like nothing?

The Twitter action is heating up, so follow the show and you’ll never miss a single snarky morsel. If snappy imagery is what titillates you, follow the show on instagram, where every-eye popping, snowflake-triggering thumbnail is meticulously preserved and displayed in one tidy digital showcase.

Get yourself over to Patreon and join the Take No Sh*t dojo. There you may reap special rewards, like Larry’s signed books, or custom ring-tone recordings in the voice that’s launched a thousand fantasies. You’ll learn how to transform yourself into your own Superman and listen to a live recording of a Commie Russkie soldier making love to a chimpanzee. Most of all, you’ll be in with the in-crowd – the swingin’ senseis that have the answers you’ve been searching for.

While you’re having all these adventures, you’ll want to look your best, and the best way is in this official TNS Dojo T-shirt in gunfighter black. Get one before they’re all gone.

CLICK HERE TO FLY

There are super-men and super-women among us. They power through life with ease and grace. They get who and what they want. They have no bad days. How do they do it? How can YOU do it? In this MUST LISTEN episode, Larry unlocks the SECRETS of super powers.

If you’ve been outside the dojo looking in, NOW is the time to step inside, take a seat by the fire and discover why even wise men call him Sensei. This is no mere podcast. This. Is. The. Way.  To a new you. Stronger. Smarter. Tougher. Wiser. Happier.

Are you ready to fly?

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What is a Death Bomb and why did it terrify Tony Spumonte? • Who is Bleeding Jesus Freddy? • Why all inflatable gorillas should be stabbed  • Which sucks more: Sale-a-thons or Sale-a-brations? • The evil fireworks ring you should love and support  • What’s inside Larry’s bag of tortilla chips, and why did it make his kid puke? • Which is the greatest patriotic song and who recorded it? • Will America exist in 1,000 years? • If not, who will have destroyed it? • All this and more!!!

Christmas in July? In America, we’ve had that since 1776 when we flipped the bird to King George and granted ourselves the real first freedom, the right to blow stuff to smithereens every July 4. But safety-obsessed nanny-statist puke bags have revoked that right, or at least gelded it to a point where spirited hand claps may be deemed “offensive displays of nationalism.” Those people are garbage. Throw ’em out!

In this episode, harken back to a July 4th in the not-too-distant past where Larry and his crew ignite a firework that would have Homeland Security wetting their pants and screaming for life terms.

Hang with Larry, Tony, pointy chicks and a new side-man: Bleeding Jesus Freddy. Eat and drink until your guts burst, then drink some more, play volleyball, water ski and at dusk, prepare for the big KA-BOOM! That’s what the 4th is all about. Freedom and adventure. Scarce in this world but abundant in every episode of That LARRY SHOW.

I call on all listeners and Dojo members to help solve a mystery – what’s in the tortilla bag that made my daughter puke? The bag remains sealed and the billion-dollar manufacturer remains unnamed. Perhaps next week I’ll post a photo of the sack and its repulsive foreign matter contents. I refrain from doing so today because chips are a staple of 4th of July feasts and I don’t want to ruin yours with a hideous image of… whatever the hell is in that bag. You cannot un-see this,  folks.

Did you know the show is on instagram? Some claim this show has the best thumbnails in all the podcast universe. Every one is meticulously conceived of and hand-crafted by your humble host. What do you think?

Stay tuned for tomorrow’s big, BIG release – only on PATREON. HOW TO BUILD YOUR OWN SUPERMAN… YOU.  What’s it about? It’s about $5, but it’s the single best investment in your future you’ll ever make. Don’t miss it.

Follow us on Twitter , where we deliver 140 – character throat-punches to Commies and other creeps between episodes. Sometimes they’re group beat-downs with Dick Masterson.

Send us your troubles to thatlarryshow@gmail.com. But be quick about it. Our senseis are becoming overwhelmed and we may have to make them accessible only through Patreon.

Get an official dojo tee shirt here. They’re nearly sold out and collectible as hell – there won’t be a second run once these are gone.

I do hope you have already acquired you illegal fireworks for a bangin’ 4th of July. If you’re reading this, you already know about TNS, so I’ll leave you with a temporary slogan that will carry you safely through the coming holiday. DO NOT HOLD IN HAND.

 

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What song makes Larry go postal? • What is a mamaluke? • TONY SPUMONTE’s mob criteria for friendship • What your school never taught you • Best ways to choose your friends • The drugged-up doctor you must avoid • Meet one of Larry’s early TNS Senseis • Who are the dumbest guys we know? •  Parental showdowns you need to see •  What do Bill Gates, Richard Branson and Steve Jobs have in common? • All this and more…

The audience has spoken… your favorite episode so far was last week’s journey into Father’s Day. The reaction was just astonishing… thank you! If you’ve not yet listened, click here to discover why strong men (and women) were fighting back tears (unsuccessfully) all over the world.

Now here’s the audio bookend to the dads ‘n’ grads seasonal. If you’re anywhere between kindergarten and the Polident years, there’s something here for you. Like meeting Mr. Petz, the Take No Sh*T teacher who imbued me with many of the dojo principles we all cherish. Or the high stakes (2 months detention!) spelling bee between dim-bulb mamaluke Tommy Amanti and the sadistic Dean of Discipline, Doc.

Every Ivy leaguer who hears this episode will hate my guts. Find out why I already hate theirs.

What’s the hideous disconnect between education and real smarts? They’re lying to us, friends… shoveling untruths at us with both hands. Listen and learn.

Meet our new Dojo sensei – the tip-of-the-spear airborne infantryman now at the ready to help you slap your adversaries (and problems) into submission. Get at him and the rest of us at thatlarryshow@gmail.com or call the dojo at 302-71-larry. We’re here to help. And we’ll be trying to do that with greater frequency when we launch our Nuggets From the Dojo mini-sodes later this month. We’ll hand-pick universal life dilemmas you send us and share them with the world – the Patreon world, that is, starting with yellow or blue belt dojo members (we’ve not yet decided which.) And our next bonus episode – on how to transform yourself into the only superhero worthy of his cape – Superman – will also be available only to Patreonis – so what are you waiting for?

It is now officially summer. From Bangor to Baja, that means tee shirt weather. The store is nearly sold out of our original TNS dojo shirts in gunfighter black. We may make each run unique, so if you miss these, they may not be repeated.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Follow the show on Twitter , where we often throw out bon mots and sometimes incendiary epithets about Commies and other pukes.

And all our bangin’ thumbnails are now in one tidy gallery on Instagram for your viewing pleasure. Are they the best thumbnails in all of podcast land? So they tell me. Maybe we should make a calendar of them.

 

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The most brilliant comment Larry ever heard • When is the right time to have a kid? • Larry’s movement, DAD’S LIVES MATTER • Why is Dad always a punch line? • Meet the dead beat moms • Two words that ID the fathers you want to avoid (or deck) •  What is a lactating daddy? • Are you one? (If so, KYS) • Time travel with Larry (not for WIMPS!) • IN SEARCH OF…the sitcom that depicts mom as a villain  • SPOILER: This episode will change you forever. Beware.

This is the ULTIMATE Father’s Day primer. If you have a dad, are a dad, plan on being a dad or are being pressured by some pointy chick into becoming a dad – YOU MUST LISTEN TO THIS EPISODE. It’s your last chance to save yourself – and maybe the world.

Join the dojo Patreon for special rewards – like signed books, custom recordings and bonus episodes. Patreonis have learned how to exact revenge and leave adversaries in a puddle of their own failure, smooth AF. These are secrets you need to know.

Upcoming on Patreon this month – How To Make  Yourself into Superman. All your life you’ve wanted to fly and be bullet-proof, yes? This is the way.

Send us your troubles at thatlarryshow@gmail.com and we’ll help. (Are any of those other podcasts doing that for you? Answer: No. So why are you listening to them?)

Follow the show on Twitter for snarky/brutal comments about Commies and the pencil-necked punks you want to strangle. In fact, I want to start a Twitter war with somebody and tweet them into oblivion. Any suggestions?

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Some chick tries to sterilize Larry on an airplane • Larry’s Mexican Stand-Offs — in Mexico • Why “I’ll make the best of it” is loser talk • How we zoom ourselves • The greatest bluff of all time • Why were there flies on Larry’s fly? • What the hell is Dolph Lundgren doing in a Mayan Temple? • Head fakes and Jedi mind tricks • Larry’s vaccine for Montezuma’s Revenge (it’s 80 proof) • The difference between a lie and a bluff • All this and more!

Here we are at the 1/2 year point in show. Who would have guessed? Listeners in 82 (yes, that’s eighty- two) countries around the world. There’s no stopping us now. “Pointy” has already become part of the American lexicon. Will T.N.S. soon be on everyone’s lips… and fists? It’s up to you, my friends

Tell everyone you know about the dojo – friends of course, but adversaries as well – let’s put all punks on notice. Get to iTunes right now and lay 5 stars on the show – that’s the fastest way to spread the TNS movement.

Join the dojo Patreon for special rewards and bonus episodes. Then send us your troubles at thatlarryshow@gmail.com and we’ll help. (Are any of those other podcasts doing that for you? Answer: No they’re not.)

Follow the show on Twitter, where you might glimpse a peek of yours truly rendered as one of TDS’s Lego mini-figs, like here:

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yes, that’s me on the right, beside the pointy Peach Saliva. (Thank you, Dick!)  There were two other TDS co-hosts in the original image, but I cropped them out. Maybe Dick Masterson will give me the mold to this thing and I can offer them at the TNS Dojo Store with the official Dojo tee shirts: 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If you want to see all our thumbnails in one snappy archive, they’re on permanent display at Instagram. Checkum out.

In other news, last week’s thumbnail was rejected by Facebook censors as being “too sexual.” Looks like what one might see at any beach on the planet. What do you think? But I suppose pointy chix would be intimidating to girly-man Suckerberg. However, he runs video ads for Trojan with people fitting condoms on bananas. No doubt that kind of content is right in little hoodie-boi’s comfort zone.

GET THIS EPISODE ON PATREON HERE

Everybody has payback on his mind, and this trilogy, this final hail of bullets episode will make you want to go back in time to dismantle every cretin who ever did you dirt. This is a million megaton revenge story where Larry and his pals reduce an adversary to a gibbering puddle of defeat. Best of all, it’s a how – to – guide. Don’t miss it!

How did a pyromaniac  nearly get Larry kicked out of school? • What Valentine did Larry give the high school Dean that made his head explode? • How did Larry prove Confucius wrong? • Why did Larry eat lunch standing up for four years? • What did Larry plant in Tommy Amanti’s locker that resulted in Tommy’s destruction? • What’s the ultimate repurposed gift? • How to break into a Porsche 911 in under 5 seconds. • All this and more in the explosive climax of VENGEANCE IS OURS.

Get at Larry via email: thatlarryshow@gmail.com

Twitter

Or call 302-71-Larry