January 2018 – That LARRY SHOW

Episode 63: Who Can You Trust? 5 Secrets You Need to Know

5 Secrets that make you un-con-able • Beware the “P” word (it’s not what you think) • Phrases con artists use on you • The book that changed Larry’s life • The #1 cause of homicidal rage • Recognizing deceptive signals • Who should we trust? • The BIG ANNOUNCEMENT – A SPIN OFF SHOW! All this and more!!!

Life doesn’t get any easier does it? That’s because we spend our adult lives like characters in a spy novel, trying to figure out who’s sharpening a knife for us. At school, at work, on social media, we sprint through a never-ending, horrid gauntlet of cretins trying to rip us off, defame us, damage and destroy us.

In this episode, you’ll discover 5 secrets that will make you impervious to all those evil bitches and bastards. You’ll learn the signals – verbal and non-verbal, that grifters and punks and lovers and spouses use to set you up. You’ll learn who to trust and why. After just 24 minutes with me, you’ll be better equipped than Neo was after they downloaded kung-fu into his brain.

Can you name another podcast that does that for you? No. You can’t. And you know exactly the ones I’m talking about.

Which is why you should go to Patreon right now and join the Take No Shit Dojo. Not only do you get more content with more secrets to kicking ass in life, you get signed books and custom recordings.

And speaking of other podcasts, I’m launching a spin off show – BROTHER LARRY’S BAD ASS SUNDAY SNAPS. There’s a teensy taste included in this episode. I’ll reveal more as we draw nearer to the debut date, which is Sunday, February 11.

This Sunday is Super Bowl Sunday. I have no idea who’s playing. I’ve never watched even one Super Bowl. Too much padding, too many rules, more starts and stops that a geriatric taking a leak. But I might start watching the new XFL games coming from Vince McMahon. IF – they lose all padding and helmets. IF every man gets a black jack. And IF any player makes a political statement OF ANY KIND, a psycho clown immediately beheads that player with a chain saw and then football shifts to field hockey using that player’s head. That would be entertainment. That would be sport.

Write to me at: thatlarryshow@gmail.com

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See you Tuesday.

Episode 62: Trapped in the Twilight Zone

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A Hollywood star haunts Larry • Is Larry psychic? • Who are the junk people? • Which EU dictator tops the junk list? • Why did Facebook censor Larry? • Why getting Zucc’d is not funny • How did Larry cheat fate? • Can you make your own luck? • Why nothing is accidental (or is it?) • Crackdown on crackdowns • Who does Larry sentence to the Quasimodo treatment? • What is the Quasimodo treatment? • All this and more!!!!

Meddlesome, Commie assholes. Seems we just finish bitch-slapping one into oblivion and another pops up to try to take KONTROL. It’s like whack-a-mole.

In Episode 17, Bully Busting, Tony Spumonte got wind that EU top hunk o’ junk Jeane Claude Juncker was threatening the USA, so we caned his worthless ass at the TNS dojo. When finished, it looked like a burst can of tomato paste. Now, Juncker’s right-hand bag, Vera Jourova, (yes that Vera, the one who wears pink polyester blazers with a rhinestone poodle on the lapel and whose favorite hair product is Kiwi black) is going to wipe hate speech from social media. We’ve got some severe plans for her, too. What are they? You’ll have to listen. Start at the 13:38 mark for a verbal fusillade and work your way backwards to discover why she merits our contempt and abuse.

We don’t like censorship – especially since this very show has been censored by none other than Facebook. They did not approve of the thumbnail for Episode 26: Dangerous Summer Fun. Zuckerberg’s soybois said it was too sexually suggestive. Since they spend their entire lives masturbating to hentai, I guess when they see a depiction of a non-cartoon female in a bikini, they just fritz out like a wet circuit.

Here’s the offending thumbnail that was just “too sexual”:

Here’s the revised version they found acceptable:

Note to all anti free speech Statists – you rear your ugly heads and we’re swinging at them – for the fences. You are junk. You must be… eliminated. Does that sound sinister? Good.

Once the Commie-eradication business is completed, this episode gets back to the spirit of its thumbnail – the weird, the unexplained, the bizarre and the kooky. Like how I was haunted – across the globe – by an old movie and TV star named Ben Gazzarra. He starred in a bunch of flicks and here’s the trailer for my favorite, HUSBANDS. At the 1:49 mark, Gazzara utters the best line in the movie, which is embedded in this episode.

I first saw HUSBANDS on TV and was mesmerized. Three guys mourn the loss of their mutual best friend by going on an extended drunken bender that includes London. Not all of them return to NYC. Check it out.

If any women don’t understand men – real men – not bed-wetting soybois and snowflakes, they should not just watch, but study this movie.

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See you next Tuesday.

Episode 61: Full Auto On Frauds

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What 2 words most trigger Larry? • How to ID bogus political movements • The magic question that stops safe speech assholes cold • Where in the U.S. is free speech already restricted? • What were George Carlin’s 7 words you can’t say on TV? • Why the Puritans were actually sexy beasts • The Facebook execu-chick you’ll love to hate • Who started the new age of censorship? • All this and more, when Larry goes FULL AUTO ON FRAUDS!

Someone once asked me why I wrote books. I told them I write one when I get a belly full of something. Seeing a college production of Grease butchered by thought-police censors is why I wrote this episode. I’ve had a belly full of assholes telling me what they think is “offensive” and “inappropriate,” and then censoring material for my safety.

Not that I care about Grease – it’s just a Broadway show , and I’m not a huge fan of any of them. But I am a writer. And when some self-righteous boi or gurl takes it upon themselves to chop, cut and redact or censor ANY writer’s work, I want to punch the smarmy smile right off their fuckin’ faces.

No words should be banned. EVER. NONE. However, some tech ’tist should design a Transformer-like robot that can violate all known laws of physics and locate itself anywhere on the planet anytime some pissant utters the words “inappropriate” or “offensive.” Then the robot punches their face with a metal fist the size of a Buick. If the Magic Robot of Justice hears anyone say the words, “Let’s ban” this or that, he fires an RPG straight into their open mouth, after saying that most odious of phrases.

In case you haven’t noticed, there’s a World War in progress. And it’s not a fight for land. It’s a battle for free speech. Already around the globe, in Europe, India and elsewhere, people are being jailed for words. Words. Let that sink in.

Where did this begin? Well, Commies hate free speech. But even before they appeared, there were other sewer-dwellers who wanted to muzzle free thought and speech.

In more recent times, we had Tipper Gore, ex-wife of bogus environmental hustler/hypocrite Al Gore. Tipper succeeded in forcing recording artists to label their work as “inappropriate.” Artists like Prince, AC/DC, Motley Crue and many others.

Tipper did what she did to “protect the children.” Watch out for assholes who tie their power-grabs to child protection. Or protection of women. Or any group. They are usually full of shit.

Tipper’s ex-hubby took Tipper’s idea of tying a power grab to a group and expanded it dramatically. He claimed to be protecting the entire planet. But as you’ll see in this video I made, Al is completely full of shit – a hypocrite of the lowest order.

https://youtu.be/mutXBVU_iTM

Write to me at thatlarryshow@gmail.com

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See you next Tuesday.

Episode 60: Snappy Comebacks / Killer Lines

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LIFE SCRIPTS — what to say when you’re stopped by cops/harassed by the boss/ambushed by the significant other • When to play dumb • The magic word that confounds adversaries • The most powerful sound in all communication • The 2 -word key to invincibility • Questions that can save your job – and sanity • How to deal with a cheating girlfriend • Best all-time movie lines • All this and MORE!

Bonus Episode 13: Larry’s Death-Defying Winter Holiday, Part 2

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In part 1, psycho Monty threatened to burn down the ski cabin. Does Larry wind up in jail? Hospitalized? How does Larry survive skiing at 35 below? Does he score with Lucy, the pointy chick from Brooklyn? Does he punch the crap out of Monty? What wisdom does he glean from Tony Spumonte? This must-listen episode answers all questions, in a nail-biting cliff -hanger unlike anything you’ve heard before.

Don’t miss it!

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Episode 59: Larry’s Death-Defying Winter Holiday, Part 1

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What are hostage holidays? • What’s the Holiday Wasteland and how do you survive it? • How many young women did Larry fit into the luggage racks of a “motor coach?” • What do you do when a psycho named Monty tries to set your room on fire? • Skiing @ 85 below zero – is it fun? • Who is Trumpet Steve and why is he a chick magnet? • Which form of mass transit turns adults into drunken kids? • What does hypothermia feel like? • All this and MORE in Part One of this special episode.

2018.

In only two years, it will be the twenties again. Will they roar? Unless something cataclysmic occurs, no. But I hope to hell they do. Because our world is turning into a fucking pre-school run by angry gender-neutral, nanny-statist cretins who know nothing about life, live their own lives as a veal does and want everyone to be safe and offended. That should be their zombie-like mantra. Be safe! Be offended! Have a nice day!

Anybody who says have a safe anything should have their face punched in. Safety is overrated. Safety is an illusion. Safety’s for bed wetters. Just like rubber sheets.

Not too long ago, people were tougher. More resilient and self-reliant. That made them fun and interesting and sexy. Now, most people are mushy blobs of fear and compliance. And they wear helmets for every god damn thing. Ski helmets are stupid. If Sonny Bono had worn one, he’d be alive today. See? Ski helmets are stupid.

In this episode, come along with me for an adventure in a winter wonderland. Or more accurately, a ski weekend where a cosmic wind swept out of another galaxy and raked the Adirondack mountains of upstate New York, producing temperatures more typical of Siberia. 38 below zero, with a wind chill yielding 85 below. But numbers lack feeling. Numbers spark no images. How about a cold so cold, spit bounces like a pebble. That’s cold. That you can see and hear and do. Bouncing spit.

Blissfully, on this crazy ski weekend, we soldiered on and had loads of fun. Did we almost die? Hell yeah. Maybe that’s what really made it fun. Plus, there were pointy chicks. Lots of them. And they looked really fetching in their snow bunny outfits. There was copious drinking. There were threats of hyper-violence and arson. If those aren’t the main ingredients of a fun time, what are?

I recently over heard — no, actually, I was eavesdropping — a high school kid tell his pal how he made a prank phone call to his teacher – not a threat – just a goofy kid prank call. And the asshole teacher called the cops and… they showed up! In Los Angeles. That says where we are as a society. Not a good place.

This first of a two part episode will make you wish for a cataclysm.

Join the Take No Shit Dojo here – and be unsafe! (It’s only the only place you can get Part 2 of this amazing episode.)

Email me at thatlarryshow@gmail.com. And be offensive!

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