Month: October 2018

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What to expect when your psycho ex-wife stabs you ■ Why do you need a backstory? ● How will it make you rich? ● Which beer company and motel chain does Larry dis – and why? ● Meet Olga, the Siberian shanker who’s worried about her image ● How Truth Enforcers (what are they?) can save our nation ● Why Cocooning is out and Tombing is in ● Why every asshole is now a star ● All that and more, in this blockbusting episode of bilious bombast!

Ahh love! It’s a minefield. And broken love is minefield + mustard gas + machine gun fire. Which is what Oleg found out when his ex, Olga, shanked him during an argument. Once he was neutralized and bleeding out, she grabbed her phone and snapped a few selfies, which she promptly posted on social media. All this as their toddler looked on, learning about healthy relationships.

But, all’s well that ends well. Oleg survived. Olga is an internet star, and she has provided herself and her kid with a fantastic backstory. Backstories now mean more than front stories, don’t they? Drive, moxie, hard work and talent will only get you so far. In these times, you need a punchy, tear-jerky, treacly tale of victimhood. That’s how to light the jets on your career.

Here’s Olga…

with her gut-stabbed hubby behind her, bleeding out. Doesn’t Olga look sympathetic? Somebody set up a Gofundme for her already. She probably dulled her knife on Oleg’s ribs, and needs a new one.

Whether you’re appearing on Shark Tank or The Voice, applying to college or running for Congress, you MUST have a back story, and the sappier, the better. Here are some buttons to consider for your backstory beats.

● Raised by single parent (or total orphan, even better!)

● Was bullied as a child

● Overcame drug addiction

● Peace Corps alum

● Raised in inner city

● Former cult member

● Once hurt someone’s feelings, but apologized

● Ed Sheeran fan

That should do it. Now watch your career soar!

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Cain’s big SNAP – the untold story ● Why God was NOT a vegan ● God’s nasty food review ● Was Cain a psycho or justified in murdering Abel? ● Why do we snap?● Are you more like Cain or Abel – take the easy test ● Who is pissing you off, and how can you not go ballistic?

● All this and more in Sinners’s Sunday #37

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The pussification of Halloween ● How lawnmower parents killed Halloween ● How the Tool Box Killers made the Manson crew look like Cub Scouts ● Larry creates the New Halloween Experience and it’s better than any haunt on earth ● Who was king of the psycho killers? ● What Joe Pesci teaches us about “Trunk or Treat.” ● How to answer the door this Halloween and turn the goblins’ hair white ● All this and more in this kick-ass and terrifying episode!

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Why are so many heroes also pricks? ● How pointy was Bathsheba? ● How did David have Bathsheba’s husband offed? ● Did David play Guns ‘n’ Roses on his harp as he seduced Bathsheba? ● How did David spot Bathsheba when she was bathing? ● What Karmic brick did God bounce off King David’s skull? ● What were the options on Absalom’s custom chariot? ● What does forgiveness really mean and how can it help you?

There are a lot of pointy women in the Bible and Bathsheba is one of the sharpest. King David spotted her one night as he stood on the roof of the palace. Somewhere below she was taking a bath and the rest is history. Sordid history – a tale of how David had Bathsheba’s husband knocked off so he could have her as his 7^th – yes, that’s s-e-v-e-n-t-h wife.

Besides being King and a giant – killer, David was also a poet and played a mean harp – he used these talents to seduce Bathsheba. No doubt he could shred – but was he as good as these two – Camille and Kennerly? When’s the last time you saw matching blondes playing strap-on harps on a desert road?

Have a look – and a listen.

Pointy, harp-playing Blond twins

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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What are L.A.’s Devil Winds? ♠ Malibu – you can swim, you can surf, you can DIE! ♠ Ways to die in the desert ♠ Vegas – a portal of hell? ♠ Why everyone in LA is bat-shit crazy ♠ Why the City of Los Angeles is one big junkie ♠ When Larry’s house almost burned down ♠ Why Phillip Marlowe kicks Sam Spade’s punk, Commie ass ♠ All this and more in this burning episode!

The term Devil Wind sounds implausible. But if you were downwind of Chernobyl in 1986, that phrase would have been accurate.

So every fall, right around now, these crazy high winds come shrieking in from the desert carrying a (sometimes) deadly pathogen. The layman’s term for the ailment is Valley Fever. And when it strikes, weird shit happens. People get sick and do sick things. Sinus headaches, scratchy throats as well as more stabbing, more bludgeoning, more mayhem.

Then, some chooch drops a cigarette and winds become fire storms that destroy everything in their path. Biblical, man.

Here’s a pic I took from a firestorm a few years back.

You can see the column of fire on the right. Those are big mountains, so that lick of fire was probably well over 100 feet high.

 

Here’s what it looks like during the day.

Wonder why these staples of LA living are never mentioned in the tourist and econ development brochures?

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Do brains win over brawn? ■ How big was Goliath? ■ How much did his armor weigh? ■ What rewards were offered for killing Goliath? ■ Who ultimately kicked David’s ass? ■ Why Commies hate underdogs ■ Why Schwarzenegger has become a girly-man ■ Was JC a decedent of King David? ■ How did Goliath taunt the Israelites ■ All that and more in this combat-ready episode of Sinners’ Sunday!

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What epidemic now rages through L.A.? ● What historical period produced the pointiest chix? ● What is the SnapCrap App? ● What HUGE LIE is L.A. and the media telling right now? ● What part of L.A. should you avoid at all costs? ● Which Tanzanian tribe does Larry want to employ as hit-men? ● Why are millions of California driver’s licenses worthless? ● Why is Gov. Jerry Brown a football-headed moron? ● For which California bureaucracy does Ilsa, She-Wolf of the SS work? ● Off-the-chain rage in this incendiary episode of That LARRY SHOW!

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4 words that will change your life ● What can animals teach us about life? ● What would bankrupt big pharma? ● What crowd made Brother Larry feel small and vastly inferior? ● What does God think of animals? ● What would make shrinks unnecessary? ● The untold story of Moose, ferocious guard-dog of the TNS dojo ● All this and more in Sinners’ Sunday #34.

Moose posing before the Shrine of St. Francis at the Beast Blessing, where he began to speak and revealed the Secret of Happiness to all.

 

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You Can’t Go Home Again — true or false? This 2-part story might also be titled, be careful what you wish for. In episode 15 – Larry’s Road Trip to Destiny, he chronicled how a vacation at age 18 changed the trajectory of his life. Near dusk on a desert road in the Southwest, the he heard the siren call “Go West.”

It took a bunch of years until he made the move. Once he finally found himself on the left coast, the culture shock and homesickness turned out to be an unexpected gut punch of astonishing power.

If you’re thinking about a move to another time zone, this is your episode.

Who keeps this show going? The Patrons, that’s who.  In this episode, each and every one is thanked for their support and encouragement.

And let me repeat it here. Thank you!

Patreon.com/thatlarryshow

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What is home? ♦ Where can you find it? ♦ Blind Faith vs Neil Diamond vs The Beatles – which can take you home? ♦ The “going home” lesson Larry learned at age 10 ♦ NY vs LA – the final confrontation ♦ How can a football make you feel dumb? ♦ This tour de force of Larry’s childhood in NYC answers the question “can you go home again?”

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