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Larry’s family road trip to the town built on bullshit ♦ How to re-arrange your chakras ♦ Aliens, monsters, vortexes – which do you believe in? ♦ The hoaxing broad who fooled millions ♦ What happened at the 1987 Harmonic Convergence? ♦ Who is Larry’s spirit guide? ♦ Death in a sweat box – the $10,000 spiritual journey! ♦ All this and more in this milestone episode of that Larry Show
Once in a while, you just have to get out of Dodge. Especially when Dodge is Los Angeles, a city so fucked up, the mayor is the son of the moron who could not convict O.J. Simpson.
Off we went, due East to Sedona, Arizona. Do you have any idea how much crap 3 females pack for a 5-day trip? A shitload. Like a steamer trunk, just for cosmetics and hair care products. Away we went, 500 miles, stopping only for gasoline and whizzing. Note: Arizona rest area toilets are way, WAY cleaner than their California counterparts. So grab a mop and pail and get the fuck busy, Governor Gavin Newsom, you feckless Commie fuck. I’m not paying you to pick your nose up there in Suckramento, asshat.
Sedona is weird, beautiful and stupid. Everyone is clad in either Columbia Sportswear ensembles or Cochise-wear. Those who sport either are equally annoying. The Columbia Sportswear fuckballs are Sierra Club Nazis who think gum wrappers are like Ebola you can see. The Cochiseys think they could track a wolverine over running water or shape shift into an invisible puma. They’re usually doctors or accountants, but they’re still morons.
Loiter anywhere in Sedona and within 20 minutes, somebody will tell you they see shadow people or orbs. If you feign interest, they’ll go on to tell you 911 was an inside job and it was done with sound waves. If you’re still listening, they’ll tell you they can bi-locate. I asked one if she knew alleged bi-locator Padre Pio. She did not.
I have a major problem. I like good scenery. Which is why, many years ago, I left monochromatic, filthy, dank New York for pastel and sunny Los Angeles. Here, I am surrounded by imbeciles who think they are actors, screenwriters and “film-makers.” When I’ve had enough of their nonsense, I should head for someplace where folks are more… cerebral. But all those places look like shit. So I drive 500 miles for more great scenery and shape-shifting fucktards in Billy Jack hats.
What’s a Billy Jack hat? This:
That’s a dead actor named Tom Laughlin who made one of the most unwatchable movies ever, Billy Jack. He played a Navajo martial artist. As convincingly as Elizabeth Warren plays whatever the hell Indian she claims to be. But I digress. That hat pretty much screams “I got brain damage.” Lots of idiots wear hats like that around Sedona.
The town is paved with bullshit. Bullshit stores selling faux Indian art and turquoise bracelets and rings to complement the I got brain damage hats. Aura photography studios. Crystal healing clinics. Energy balancing emporiums. Chakra adjustment centers. Medicine wheels. What’s a medicine wheel? I know one when I see one, and so will you after you view this daffy broad doing her medicine wheel rattle-dance. Makes me want to shape shift into Ted Bundy and tear her arm off at the shoulder.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N-r-YmTp97A
If anyone knows of a town in America where they don’t wear Billy Jack hats and have read a book other than Harry fucking Potter and there’s no snow (EVER) and it’s not a congested, grimy shithole, please let me know. I want to visit.
Now enjoy this episode. Presenting a town truly built by bullshit – Sedona, Arizona.
BTW, Sinners’ Sunday will now post on first and third Sundays.
See you next Tuesday (or so.)
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