Episode 163: Unchain Yourself

Why our reality is scarier than The Matrix ■ They are taking your freedom – find out how ■ Why Larry hates Google ■ Why Larry needs govt. permission to buy medicine for his dog ■ WTF is a love contract? ■ Is your employer a cock-blocker? ■ Working 2019: Boss, may I have permission to get laid? ■ Is this the Take Sh*t generation? ■ Larry defines pointy chix – in detail ■ From Mad Men to Compliant Children – how did we get here? ■ Get yourself unchained in this very dangerous episode!

Can you believe The Matrix is 20 years old? How could they even make that movie today – where would they find a pay phone? All that ordnance, all that kung fu, all that testosterone and the screenwriter-brothers, Larry and Andy Wachowski are now the Wachowski sisters, Lana and Lilly. Since they identify as female, I wonder if they’d write a different script? 20 years isn’t too soon for a re-boot. The original was such a gargantuan success, even if the re-boot was shit, the studio would still make a ton just on the curiosity factor.

As nutty as The Matrix was (and I mean that in the good sense) it really was quite prophetic. The blue-pill/red-pill thing has become a political meme, but in the span since film was made, our freedoms have been so depleted that we really are becoming human batteries for a cancerous government metastasizing at an alarming rate. It needs more money, it needs more power, it wants more control, and it’s going to get it. It always does. Soon, California will be taxing cars by miles driven. How will they do that? Easy. They’ll also know where you’re driving as well, so if you’re entertaining any thoughts of knocking over a liquor store or stepping out on your wife at the local cathouse – do it quick.

20 years ago, there was no TSA. Nobody was having their junk groped by blue gloved Sky Guardians, and baggage – not passengers – was getting X-rayed. 20 years from now, we’ll be boarding planes naked and handed our clothes in the jetway upon landing. Hopefully, seats will have those little removable napkins not just at the head-rests, but on the butt-cushions as well. And it will all be in the name of safety. Stupid and cowardly people will do anything to be safe. Anything. But they end up dead anyway. Same as the smart and brave.

A long time ago, President Eisenhower said something about “beware the military industrial complex.” Being a life–long soldier, he was hip – hip to dreamed up wars, $600 toilet seats, crazy coups, nation-building, et al. Now, not only the military is blowing the government, every major corporation is. So your every prescription drug purchase, booze order, cell call, keystroke is cataloged.

And let’s not forget our new “vere are yoor pay–puz?” mentality. Every fucking thing requires a FEDERALLY issued picture, thumbprint and bar-code ID. Except voting. I did that in November and could have told them I was Popeye the Sailor Man and they would not have asked me for so much as a spinach label.

I’m so sick of the ID requests that I have a fake ID and works great. Cashiers look at it and their jaws work but no sound comes out. Then they call a manager. They forget all about asking me for my phone number and if I want to contribute my change to the favorite charity the multi-billion-dollar chain store expects me to support.

Here is my fake ID. What do you think?

In this episode, I also give an overdue an detailed explanation of the term I coined, “Pointy Chick.” As far as I can tell (and I’m no archaeologist) The Egyptians designed pointy women. I was going to post some of their 5,000 year-old art, but it’s all 2-d and profiles. They could build sphinxes and pyramids, but they could not draw a person straight on. So here’s some chick in a Cleopatra costume from Party City. She looks pretty pointy. And authentic.

Is your employer cock-blocking you? Google and Facebook allow their slaves to ask fellow slaves for sex only once. How pathetic. And if she should say “yes,” you are expected to report your romance to HR. In this episode, I have a live recording of some manlet asking HR for permission to screw.

Oh, for the days of Mad Men, when people were expected to get laid at the office. Mad Men are gone, replaced by Compliant Children. Sad.

I’m enlisting your help in finding Jonathan Brandmeier, a once monstrously popular Chicago radio personality who has vanished from the airwaves and the public eye. Turns out my friend Darren O’Neill – host of the always entertaining Randumbthoughts.com podcast – has a bit of a history with Johnny B. We both dig Johnny B., so much that if we can locate him, and he agrees, we’ll both abandon our solo formats to have Johnny as a guest. Together.

If you’ll help us get hold of him, I promise it will be a pisser of an episode.

See you on Patreon for the bonus episode – PART 2 of “UNCHAIN YOURSELF.”

Get Part 2 of this episode here.

Write to Larry: thatlarryshow@gmail.com

Call the TNS Dojo: 302-71-Larry