Episode 342: Larry’s New Year’s Desert Escape

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How to avoid New Year’s disappointment Why NYC is the LAST place to be on New Year’s – or ever DISCOVERED – a white elephant in the Mojave desert! Why New Year’s is the holiday that should be eliminated You KNOW you hate New Year’s – dig this episode and know you are NOT alone!

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KEEP READING!!!

Most people think of deserts as barren wastelands. In fact, they host a wide array of wildlife, most visibly, the WHITE ELEPHANT. Some pipe dreams go up in smoke if the busted entrepreneur has the desperation to torch it for insurance. But insurance companies have gotten adept at exposing that chicanery. Most times, broke pipe dreamers just sell whatever crap they can and leave the building to rot.

Once in a great while, desert pipe dreams come true – like Las Vegas. But it’s always at a price. Bugsy Siegel – a true desert visionary, ironically was shot through the eye.

Why do deserts draw pipe dreamers and wantrepeneurs? Because the land is cheap. Its cheap because in summer, the desert is fucking unlivable, at least in daylight. Same as most of Florida. (IMHO, Florida is worse because humidity sucks.)

When exploring the fringes of the Mojave, you see many, many white elephants. Tropical themed motels, space alien/flying saucer restaurants, shit like that. They sit for decades, vandalized, baking in the sun, silently mocking the pipe dreamers who birthed them.

Once in a while, you get to see a White Elephant being born. .

White Elephant (in stainless steel)

There were about 4 dozen trailers like that, pretty much ass-to-cheek, scattered around a flat and unremarkable parcel of land off route 62, a main road in the high desert, also known as 29 Palms Highway. There isn’t much up there but strip malls and swap meets, motels and meth labs. Somebody obviously thinks people will want to go “glamping” in those Airstream trailers. Seems like a shit-headed idea. Especially in June, July and August, when temperatures in the area average 100 degrees, every fucking day. It will be interesting to see how well the HVAC in those unshaded metal tubes combat the merciless Mojave sun.

Desert people are a hardy breed. They don’t give a fuck what the neighbors think – like this guy.

Just across the street, was a pathetic little lawn sign, stuck in the dry dirt of a small tract home. It said – no, it whimpered…Biden-Harris.

A lot of people up there think they’re artists. Some are. Some just have a knack for scavenging weird shit and arranging it in interesting ways.

Like this disarmed matador. If a bull charges him, he’s fucked – or at a minimum, gored.

There’s a little “art colony” up there that co-opted the Dairy Queen logo. Not sure what that means artistically, but its the desert. Nobody really gives a shit.

Any trash can be art. Like this. I’ve seen far worse at NY’s Guggenheim with a 7-figure price on it. Aesthetics are in the eye of the beholder… or the pretentious art critic/whore.

Anything can be a museum, and is. A bottle-cap collection or those poodle themed crocheted ass-wipe roll covers your grandma – or great grandma used to make.  Behold, the World Famous Crochet Museum.

Of all the Art Queen offerings, the next one is best, because it actually does something. You can pop in there and get a hair-do and check out everything having to do with hair. My wife and daughters love the place and the owner, Jeff Hafler, is a really nice guy. I highly recommend you visit the Beauty Bubble when in Joshua Tree. If you do, tell Jeff hello from the guy who asked about Spoolies. He’ll remember.

Happy New Year.

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Episode 341: Merry Omicronmas

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JOeeeey! Revealed as not only a demented, deceitful career politician, but a certifiable psycho ▲ Hear JOeeeey shoot himself in the foot – repeatedly ▲ DISCOVER how JOeeey and his minions are leveraging OMICRON into their political platform ▲ ACQUIRE – the greatest piece of TLS show merch yet – the LUTFA flexible magnetic sticker! HEAR the greatest Christmas story ever told

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Tell the world YOU are a LUTFA (Leave Us The Fuck Alone), with this flexible, weatherproof magnetic sticker.

Send $10 via PayPal (with your address) and FLAUNT your membership in the Take No Shit Dojo! Be sure to include the word LUTFA in your payment. (3 for $25. Free shipping. Only available in USA.)

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Episode 340: That LARRY SHOW’s 5th Birthday Party

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A Bacchanalian Birthday Bash of TLS lore and reveals ▲ Thank-yous and shout outs from Larry to every Dojo member ▲ Come hang at the secret club for the coolest party ever with the best crew anywhere — you! 

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Technically, its an anniversary. But I’ve never liked that word. It often appears in shitty contexts. 9/11 anniversary, Hiroshima anniversary, stuff like that. Birthdays are festive, anniversaries can be gloomy.

This episode was a bitch to produce. Combing through a massive archive of cold openings, comedy sketches and schtick for your amusement. I hope I selected the very best.

Getting all those elements to record properly was tough. It’s not easy mic-ing the secret panel in the Take No Shit dojo that leads to that fantastic club in back. It looks a lot like this… except it’s filled with cool people – you.

In this episode, I promised to post the video that I made for the song I wrote and performed, “Scandal Claus is Coming to Town.”

At the time I created in it 2017, there was a blizzard of celeb cancellations due to “sexual misconduct” allegations. They ranged from Louis CK beating his bishop with an audience to never-funny fuckface Al Franken copping (or pretending to cop) feels off women to Weinstein’s criminality.

In only four short years, the “that’s offensive to me” crowd has arrived at the place they always wanted to be – outlawed speech. Jeff Garlin (whom I’ve only seen in Curb Your Enthusiasm) seems about to be canceled. His offense was using the word vagina on a set. That’s it. He touched no one. But the word made somebody “uncomfortable.”

That’s where we are now, folks. Free speech is dead. The only way to reverse this trend is with a sci-fi fix.

Someone must invent a Magic Free Speech Restoration Baton – like a cop’s night-stick. When somebody – ANYBODY – complains that a mere word offends them – the magic baton materializes out of nowhere and smashes the offended one’s teeth down their throat, leaving them dazed, bloody and permanently disfigured. Sort of like this, except the blow is to the mouth.

Then, a voice from somewhere says “There ya go, asshole. Now you’ve REALLY been offended.”

If that happened a few times, was recorded on video that went viral, free speech would be restored.

See you next week.

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Episode 339: Rich Idiots and the Dishwasher Mogul

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How being voted least likely to succeed helped a dishwasher become a restaurant mogul The morons who financed NY’s Empire State Building How the Cuomo brothers re-invented stupid Larry’s secret podcasting “process” The last B&W photo Larry ever took Larry solves a mystery from his childhood

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A brutally cold February night in Queens, New York.

A long time ago.

A Miranda Sensorex loaded with Tri-X Pan and pushed to ASA 1600. After just a few frames, the shutter froze. This was the best of a few.

Enjoy the episode.

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Episode 338: Larry Coaches Biden

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Larry coaches Biden on pronouncing OMICRON – can he do it? Can Fauci? Biden admits he’s clueless about new variant How many weasel words can Biden stuff in 1 sentence? ▲ Joey blames the pandemic on something new ▲ Fauci’s pet name for Joey – revealed!

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The source video for this episode’s clips is below. As I said in the episode, it’s a symphony of fakery and fuckery.

When you listen to Joey and Fauci speak – really listen – you should get pissed off. Really pissed off. Because they lie with every breath. Everybody lies – but their lies are obvious – VERY obvious – and that’s what should piss you off. Because they don’t even try to make the lies believable. Because they think they’re smart, and we’re stupid.

Yet neither one of them can correctly pronounce the simple word OMICRON. Both dolts say OMNI-cron. Biden flubs it four times in less than 10 minutes. Fauci once, but he speaks for a shorter interval. The fact that these two are either too stupid or too lazy to learn the word says volumes about both of them.

Watch Biden struggle to recall what month it is, and then look at his notes to check. It’s at the 7:35 mark.

These two mendacious, geriatric punks know the vaxes are duds, yet they push them like pimps at the gates of a naval base. Why? Because at this point, they have no choice. To admit the truth would put their names up there in lights with Goring, Hess and Bormann.

Watch this video. On the first viewing, it’s funny. But when you realize the cost of their deception, it’s not funny. Not funny at all.

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Send $10 via PayPal (with your address) and FLAUNT your membership in the Take No Shit Dojo! Be sure to say, I wanna key fob!

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