Episode 52: Larry Gets Sexually Harassed


Why mankind is doomed • Who is to blame? • Why Hollywood is a sewer • Find out what Larry knows about 2 guys on the Hollywood Shame List • Why Louis CK is an unfunny turd • What you can and cannot say while flirting • SHAME STOPPERS – Larry’s new Shark Tank business you’ll want to invest in • Sex robots: are they the answer? • Discover who is on Larry’s hit listAll this and more!!!

I could write more. Lots more. But with a thumbnail this enticing, what the hell for?

What is Hollywood? Hollywood is Sodom and Gomorrah reverse engineered. Here we are 4,000 years later, and Harvey Weinstein, Bill Cosby  and Kevin Spacey are going to get us all killed. Every 0ne of those talent-less putzes is sick rich, but would they spring for a hooker like salaried conventioneers in Vegas? No. Those fat, phony phreaks had to extort and drug and coerce people to have sex with them. And now look what’s happening. Regular guys can’t so much as ask a girl to dance or compliment her shoes without risking jail time.

By the way, what’s faker than Kevin Spacey’s toupee? I watched the first 10 minutes of House of Cards and shut it off, because I could not bear to view Kevin’s skull carpet. Really, no lie. I find it offensive. Because plenty of other bald guys, like Ben Affleck and Burt Reynolds, have much more authentic looking  rugs than Kevin’s. What the hell’s the matter with that guy?

I never, ever liked Bill Cosby. Never found him funny. Richard Pryor – funny. Chris Rock – funny. Eddie Murphy – funny. Bill Cosby – not funny and pompous. And speaking of not funny, nobody is more not funny than Louis CK. He really bugs me. When I look at him, I see Charlie Brown in middle age. A twisted, roiling, blob of neuroses and syndromes, asking audiences to like him because he’s a loser. Well, Woody Allen and Rodney Dangerfield already rented that space, Louis, and they were funny. But you’re not. Here’s hoping you disappear and stay missing. Not because of your “sexual misconduct.” I don’t care of you like people watching you choke your John Thomas. I just don’t find you funny. Not even a little.

Like Lot, I was going to ask God to spare Los Angeles if I could find one just man, but that would be like finding a movie not rated R for retarded. It ain’t gonna happen. So I’m hauling my peeps the hell outta SoCal before the fire and brimstone starts to fly and I’ll watch Selfie City burn on the 6 o’clock news from my hillside perch in a small town far away where I’ll be clinging to my guns and religion.

Things are hopping at the TNS Dojo. We have two new sensies – Adam Nash for financial matters and Queen of Discipline Tess Lynch. (She’ll also be keeping order in the Facebook group.) Don’t piss her off. Her eyes can fry you in a nanosecond like the villains in Superman 2.

Now go join the Dojo here and start hanging with the best people on earth.

If you have a problem – any problem – email us at thatlarryshow@gmail.com and we’ll try to help you out.

By the way, I KNOW the day and time God will be destroying Southern California. But I’m only telling Patreonis.

See you next Tuesday.


Episode 51: Knowing When to Quit Your Job


Trapped in a dark, rat-infested basement… how does Larry escape? • What to do when your idiot boss is a “company man” • How to identify (and avoid) company men • Tell-tale words that company men use • What job titles actually reveal about the job • When quitting is the only option • When and how to leave on bad terms •  How Larry got conned into a lousy part-time job • All this and MORE!!!

Why is work more odious than ever? Because of Kool-Aid guzzling, true-believer company men, that’s why. They need to be identified, rounded up and given helicopter rides to active volcanoes. They are the problem. And they are everywhere.

This episode begins with a listener’s dilemma. He’s just started a new job and enjoys it until he discovers his boss is a company man/boi/pinhead/puke-bag/pustule/cretin/ass-hat. One of those detestable ginks who is never satisfied merely by a job well – done – he wants his subordinates to dance and kiss ass. Well, Harvey Weinstein and Kevin Spacey found out that’s a perilous way to comport oneself. Whether sexual favors or blood from a stone, people are getting fed up with assholes on power trips.

Once Larry dishes up the advice, come ride along with him on one of his many odd ball jobs. This one finds him trapped in a dark, rat-infested basement on Easter Sunday. The moral of the story? Some jobs just aren’t worth the money. And if you take the gig, be damn sure you get all you’re due – up front.

If you’re not a member of the TNS Dojo, you’ve missed a DOZEN kick ass bonus episodes. Join now and learn all the secrets of leading a Take No Sh*T life. Click here: patreoncom/thatlarryshow

Write to us with your troubles. We have testimonials from dozens of satisfied listeners that we know a f*ckton more about life than Dr. Phil, Oz or any of those TV frauds. Just be sure you can handle the truth because we don’t ever sugar coat anything. thatlarryshow@gmail.com.

You can also drop us a voice mail at 302-71-larry

And click the subscribe by email button on this page – that way you’ll never miss an episode. It’s free. What more could you want?

See you next Tuesday.

And stay out of the basement.

Episode 50: Larry Beats the House


How Larry beat the house • Larry’s “system” • Can you make  your own luck? • Larry’s numbers racket • How gamblers are created • Larry’s winning streak • Why do gamblers gamble? (It’s NOT to make $$) • How you can beat the house • The 2 kinds of gamblers • Where can you find more drama than all of Broadway? All this and more!

For a change, I’m not saying anything about this episode here. Just listen.

Support the show here. Patreon.com/thatlarryshow

Email me here: thatlarryshow@gmail.com

Leave a voice mail here: 302-71-larry

BTW – What’s a “POINTY CHICK?” She is. She is as pointy as pointy gets.

Bonus Episode 10: Larry Screws a Car Dealer (and How You Can Too!)


3 car shopping rules that make YOU the winnerTony Spumonte goes car shopping with Larry and together they take no sh*t • What to say and do the INSTANT you enter a dealership • How to negotiate the LOWEST price on any car • How to make monkeys out of sales managers • How to buy a used car and NEVER get a lemon • The best value in cars • If you EVER intend to buy a car, or negotiate a price, your NEED this episode!  Get it at patreon.com/thatlarryshow.

Last year there were over 56 million new and used cars sold in America. Sooner or later, you’ll be buying one yourself. The $5 fee to access to this episode will save you time, mistakes and hundreds, or  thousands of dollars. Guaranteed.

I know the immutable rules and proven methods that ensure you get the best deal on a car… and make the dealer hate your guts. Why must he hate your guts? Because if he doesn’t,  you’ve been screwed and you don’t even know it.

Most owners keep a car for six years. That’s a long damn time. Every time you drive, do you want to feel like a Take No Sh*t winner, secure in the knowledge that you cut the best deal possible? Or will you be haunted by the memory of being bullied by some polyester shirted goons who bent you over the fender and took your lunch money – several years worth of lunch money! The choice is yours. Get screwed or screw them. What’s it gonna be?!?!?!?!?

Car shopping is one of the most stressful events in life. You’re putting up big money for something that can either run well and bring you joy, or bleed you like 2-ton leech. If you listen here and take advantage of my hard-earned experience, you’ll drive away a winner.

Thank me at patreon.com/thatlarryshow and let me know about your car-buying experiences at thatlarryshow@gmail.com

Episode 49: Halloween With the Mob


Larry & Tony Spumonte visit Houdini’s grave – does Tony leave another body there? • How Larry saved Halloween – and you can too • Why Larry Trick or Treated at the Butcher • Larry’s 1st Halloween – what was his costume? • Screw VR – get Larry’s Wish Fulfillment Glasses absolutely free! (Listen for instructions) • All this a more!!!!

Hop in Tony Spumonte’s Coupe de Ville and take a ride with us. Where to? To the crossroads of Madness and Enlightenment where we’ll pick up Rod Serling and some pointy chick hitchers in crop tops, Daisy Dukes and 6-inch ankle straps. We’ll stop at a liquor store, grab a couple pints of Thunderbird and a fistful of Slim Jims. Then, it’s pedal to the metal on the Lost Highway until that 425 screams for mercy and fights back by shooting piston rods through the hood so far and so fast, they wind up impaling Han Solo’s retinas as he steers the Millennium Falcon through hyperspace. And we’ll laugh at his screams.

No, its late and I’m tired and this may be the very best episode ever. One Halloween Tony and I and our pointy girlfriends decided to visit Houdini’s grave. The mission was fueled by Entenmann’s cawfee cake and copious amounts of Amaretto and Sambucca. For real, every year on Halloween, certain idiots attempt to contact Houdini (he died on Halloween, 1926)  at his graveside. Our arrival was not welcome. We may have triggered a murder, or at least a severe beating, and no regrets because the punk deserved it.

I also tell you how I saved Halloween and you can too, by eschewing (I’ve always wanted to use that word) all corporate operated spooky houses and theme parks and creating your own DIY Halloween kicks. How? Drag ass to a cemetery and poke around for a couple of hours. Visit that abandoned asylum at the edge of town. Scope out your creepy neighbor’s basement unannounced and discover why he wears rubber gloves when gardening. There’s creepy, scary crap everywhere and you need not pay Disney $125 for their candy ass, sissified, sanitized thrills and chills.

Or, you can build your own monster like I did. When my kid was a tot, we made a 6’7″ Frankenstein. Somewhere I have a hi-res color image of him, but like I said, it’s late and I’m too tired to dig it up so here’s one in glorious B&W from my book Mack Daddy. What’s Frankenstein doing with a carving knife and a severed head? Having a jolly good time, I’d say.

Each year, we re-skin him as whatever the hell we want. Here’s a link to a video of him as a killer clown. That year, not one pesky kid rang our bell requesting candy. Wonder why?

Join the Patreon here. Before month’s end, I’ll post a bonus episode on how I screwed over a car dealer (and you can, too!). The smartest $5 you’ll ever spend.

Follow the show on Twitter here.


Write to me here: thatlarryshow@gmail.com.

Happy Halloween. Sleep well as you dream of those push-rods embedded in Han Solo’s eyeballs, maybe so deep they punch through the back of his skull. Nite-nite.


Episode 48: HOT GOSS! Onstage & Backstage at Road Rage L.A.


Larry roasts the ragers • An inside look at the L.A. Road Rage • The test that separates the cool from the creepy • What are Dick’s fans really like? • What really unites and divides us? • Dumped? Here’s what to doSick of “big leaguers?” Here’s how to flip them • All this and MORE!


They came by land, sea and air from all over the world. And what a gathering it was. Lined up around the block. Six deep at the bar. An urgent request for additional bouncers by mid-show. This ain’t Seinfeld, folks. In fact, it didn’t even look like L.A. It was more like Bensonhurst, Brooklyn. People screaming, howling, barking. Beer flying. Dick Masterson’s relentless roar over the PA system… Shut the F**k up!

Mariachis, a stripper, twin blondes with bodies that make men crawl and beg, a warm up comic in a three piece suit. Asterios in a green Danskin. How do you spell depraved? Thorazine ceiling misters would not have helped.

And yours truly, there to tell a story about failure in the City of Failure. Instead I pulled a switcheroo and roasted Dick, Schegauwen, Asterios, Denzel, Kian, Layc, Peach… hell, I even burned down “the bunker.”

It was a night to remember. If anyone could. Alcoholic blackouts were rippling through the crowd. It could only have happened on Friday the 13th.

I was there for all of it and give you the insider’s view in this special episode.

Warm shout out to Melissa Young and Kristopher Chavez who heard my request for pix of me – thank you! Here’s a sampling… (And thank you to everyone I met at the show – you made it a blast for me!)





































Been dumped? Sitting in your Barcalounger looking at your own heart smeared across the rug like cream cheese on a bagel? I’m America’s Dad. Listen to me and you’ll get through it. I take a listener through the process step-by step.

Being “big leagued” by some twit at work? I’ve got your fix for that too.

Email me at thatlarryshow@gmail.com

Join the Dojo at Patreon here:

Follow thatlarryshow on twitter.

Next Tuesday, TONY SPUMONTE RETURNS in a HALLOWEEN episode. Boo! Or should we say BANG! Tune in to find out. Don’t miss it. Or the upcoming bonus episode, “Attack of the Bubble People.”

Episode 47: Hefner’s Secrets, Vegas Intel, Shy Chix


Larry meets HefLarry goes to the Playboy Mansion •  Discover why Hef was a NERD and a CUCK and driven by RAGELarry meets his first Playboy Playmate (at 15!) • What’s really happening in Vegas post massacre? • View the tip of the bullsh*t-berg • How to deal with shy chix – and what makes them shy?

Other than catastrophes and natural disasters, we rarely recognize the milestones in our lives until we view them in the rear-view mirror. And so when I met my first Playboy cover girl at the Custom Car & Hot Rod Show and sustained one of my first shattered fantasies, I didn’t clearly understand it until many years later when I met the architect of that fantasy, Hugh Marston Hefner.

Hefner was to pornography what Steve Jobs was to computers. Except, when Jobs died, it didn’t signify the end of the computer industry. But Hefner’s passing was like a light – a soft red light in a window above a lonely, rain-slicked sidewalk – winking out, never to glow again. Because what every mouse clicking, phone thumbing, tablet stroking Pornhub visitor may or may or may  not understand is that had there been no Hef, there would be no Pornhub. He was the Columbus, the Magellan, the Edison and the Neil Armstrong of naughty imagery. And now he’s gone. And no Pornhub users can ever say they view Pornhub “for the articles.” They, we and the NSA know exactly why they are there. Click, click, click. Ugggghhhh.

Hefner was an enigma and in this episode, the incongruities between his public persona and his true nature are illuminated as never before.

It’s been 10 days since the Las Vegas massacre and it may prove to generate more conspiracy theories than the JFK assassination or 9/11. We may never know the whole truth. We’re seeing a load of loose ends and contradictions. One of our own TNS Dojo senseis, Mike Honcho, a tip  of the spear military operative, weighs in with his expert opinion on the ordnance used by scum bag shooter Stephen Paddock.

The New York Times calls him “Mr. Paddock.” They also called Charley “Mr. Manson” and probably gave Adolph the respect of “Mr. Hitler.” We don’t do that. We mock creeps in this dojo – unabashedly.

Next, a listener from the UK gets his answer about how to deal with a shy woman for whom he has the hots. To answer him, I had to query other senseis because I never dated a shy woman. Dating is arduous enough. Having to “draw somebody out” was additional work I refused to do. But it seems lots of guys dig shy chicks. Like Rocky Balboa. And Rory, from Great Britain.

The fame of this show is spreading far and wide. Check out this banging video posted by listener and Patrioni The Mighty Plantain. Not only does he hip the world to an adult beverage he favors, he does so while wrapped in a Take No Sh*T Dojo t-shirt in Gunfighter Black. He looks good. Damn good. Thanks for supporting the show and for the plug, Mr. Plantain! And everyone, please subscribe to his YouTube channel to know what’s worth drinking (and wearing) or not.

Get your own official TNS dojo shirt here.

Join thatlarryshow.com Patreon here. It’s the greatest group of people on earth.  And follow the show on Twitter here.

See you next Tuesday. Or, if you’re anywhere near Los Angeles, get over to the Satellite in Silver Lake where I’ll be appearing this Friday, October 13 @ 8pm with Dick Masterson and his crew of comics, reprobates, hoodlum attorneys, Playboy model Layc Nicole, Schzeaughewn the V-neck wearing engineer and Christ knows who else. Probably midgets on unicycles with their heads on fire.

I’m supposed to do an exhibition of erotic karate. I’m pretty sure it will be a rodeo. Or at the very least, a milestone. I intend to recognize this one as it happens, or at least before I meet Hefner again.


Bonus Episode 9: Five French Secrets of Fun


Happy October.
This Bonus episode was supposed to post in September but here it is, a little bit late. Why? Let me relate to you an old Hollywood story about Ray Bradbury – who not only wrote some kick-ass science fiction, he wrote some kick-ass screenplays. Some studio suit was breaking Ray’s balls for a finished script by a certain Wednesday. And the suit kept nagging Bradbury with relentless phone messages and memos — Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday! And finally having enough (and taking no sh*t) Bradbury answered the impatient exec, “You want it Wednesday? Or you want it good!?!?!?”
You can’t rush screenplays, whiskey or Bonus episodes.
I went to France. And while there I saw many things and noticed many more. No matter where I was, the French seemed to be enjoying life more than we do here in the land of stress, arterial plaque and bruxism. The French don’t have squinchy expressions on their faces. They don’t get bent out of shape over meaningless crap. They smile more, laugh more, relax more. And one can only guess what else they do more when they close up shop every day between 2 and 4 pm and go home for a “nap.”
The French invented “pointy.” French chicks are the pointiest I’ve ever seen.
This episode will change your life. You don’t need Paxil or Adderall or Zoloft or therapy or Slim Fast or Pilates. You need only listen to these 24 minutes and 21 seconds of pure enlightenment and your life will improve… immediately.
I’ve distilled it to Five French Secrets of fun What could be easier?
If you’re already a Patreon Dojo member – this episode is for you. If you’ve been wondering, now’s the time to join.
5 simple things the French do that you can do that will make your life better.
The best things in life are free. But not this episode. However, it costs a lot less that a Paxil prescription. And the side effects are pure bliss.
Or as they say, aimer la vie!

Episode 45: Murder at a Mob Bar

DOWNLOAD the MP3 here

Larry bartends for a murder victimWhat was in Johnny Fontana’s notebook that made Larry hate government? • Who pulled guns on Larry, and why? • What Larry knows about Goodfellas that Scorsese doesn’t • What was behind the exit door at the mob bar? • Why did Larry sleep through college? • Will Larry reveal the secret of the world’s greatest burger? • How did Dave the Fence cure a cough? • All this and more in a spectacular new episode!

I never liked McDonald’s – not their robot-sh*t food, not their creepy clown mascot, not their commercials that pander to every demographic on earth, and especially, not the goofy, paper hat uniforms they make their employees wear. Oh, and I also hate McDonald’s because they would stop serving Egg McMuffins – the only palatable offering on the menu – after 11 am. (Do they still adhere to those breakfast hours? I don’t know. Haven’t set foot in one in years) It was as if Ray Kroc, who was one of the biggest pricks who ever lived – was finger wagging at all the hung-over night crawlers and late risers. No breakfast for you, sinners! Get your sorry asses out of bed at a decent hour and then we’ll see about breakfast!

While some college classmates of mine wore those degrading outfits for minimum wage under the sickly glow of the golden arches, I was slinging boiler-makers at Parliament, a bar owned by one Johnny Fontana – a wise guy I knew even before I met the fabulous Tony Spumonte. Why have I so often been an associate of organized crime figures? I’ve no idea. Maybe so all these years later, I could deliver to you, my beloved listeners, the best goddamn podcast there is. Period.

I learned more working at that bar than I did in college, that’s for  sure. Like how not to get stabbed or my head blown off — although one night it nearly happened when some rival  of Johnny’s shot out the windows Godfather-style. (We never even called the cops. Since no one was hit, it was considered a non-event. We just swept up the glass and continued the party.) How’s that for a safe-space, snowflakes?

At Parliament, I learned the secret recipe for the world’s best burger. I learned that you’re more likely to have a loaded gun stuck in your belly by a drunken cop than a drunken button-man. I learned to keep my mouth shut and pick my battles. Yesiree Bob, working at a mob-owned bar was dangerous, exciting and more educational than any institution of higher learning.

Bring me the Chancellor of Harvard. I guarantee anyone who survived working at Parliament Bar & Grill in Queens, New York knows more about life than any Ivy League hot house plant. I’d stake my life on it. In a way, I suppose I did.

Some who listen to this episode will shudder and be thankful they had conventional part-time jobs. Others will want to work at the Parliament. They must find a time machine, for the Parliament has been gone many years. But its ghosts live on – right here at the crossroads of madness and enlightenment.

Want even more secrets of a Take No Sh*t life?  Go to Patreon and join the dojo. There you shall find rare nuggets of wisdom and access to episodes only Dojo members hear. Not to mention the fellowship of a fantastic crew of people. You’re probably dropping $100 a month on cable TV that you never watch. Dojo membership costs a fraction of that and never, ever disappoints.

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Email us your problem at thatlarryshow@gmail.com.

Or a voice mail at 302-71-larry

See you next Tuesday.