larryb – Page 42 – That LARRY SHOW

Episode 95: A Day at the Beach

U.S. Civil War II – how will it go down? • What Memorial Day will mean after Civil War II • My visit to Normandy and the ghosts I met on that beach • What are the elements of a true horror story? • Why are East coast beaches better than West coast? • How car dealers and other idiots are wrecking Memorial Day • All this and more!

The beach.

Close your eyes and listen. Gulls, waves.

Sniff. The tang of salt air, coconut sunscreen, hot dogs on a bonfire.

Feel. Humidity in the air, cold spray of a crashing wave, hot sand under foot.

Ever had a bad day at the beach? I haven’t. But much of this episode is about a hell day at one of the world’s most beautiful beaches — Normandy. The world, having had a belly-full of taking shit from the Little Corporal, decided to take no more shit, and instead sling ordnance with a fury that had never before been seen on earth.

When the smoke cleared, thousands were dead. And that’s what Memorial Day is about – D-Day and every other day since 7/4/1776 when some Americans first decided their shit-taking days were over.

It’s hard to stand on that beach at Normandy and not feel small and insignificant. On sand that was soaked in blood. Look out at the machines of war entrapped in the muck, mutely reminding us that freedom isn’t free.

In 1944, America was “one nation under God.” Now, it’s a simmering stew of dozens of whining, demanding, entitled micro-nations who don’t even know what the fuck America is, other than a massive tit that squirts out free everything for anybody.

It’s unsustainable. Eventually, the stew-pot will boil and when it does, U.S. Civil War #2 will be under way. It may have already begun. Nobody called the first Civil War a civil war until it was over.

US Civil War # 2 will have nothing to do with race, and everything to do with ideology.

Here are some pictures I took while visiting Normandy beach.

155mm German canon. Not even rusty after 8 decades.

I salute our Armed Forces, on this day after Memorial Day. They are the Take No Shit people.

Episode # 100 fast approaches – Open House at the Dojo. You are ALL invited to call the voice mail and share your thoughts, jokes, rants, whatever. 302-715-2779.

If you’re reading this, you’re likely supporting other podcasts, but you know damn well this one is the best. Click here to help me keep this thing going.

Write to me at thatlarryshow@gmail.com

See you in a few days for a kick-ass bonus episode (available only on Patreon).

Episode 94: Hypocrites (Sinners’ Sunday #16)

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Who was Billy Sunday and how did he top Jesus? • How to spot a hypocrite • Your life: 25,000 days • Now playing – American Idol, The Voice and the Fake J.C. at a church near you! • What’s HTT? • The 7 woes of hypocrisy • Jesus disses the hypocrites • All this, + beer, ribs, and pointy chix!

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Episode 93: Bad Company

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How to spot phonies • Friends: NY vs LA styles • Feng shui for friendships • Positives, Neutrals, Negatives and Malevolents – what are they and how do they fit in your life? • Larry’s request from a 2-strike felon • The moral dilemma from Episode 92 – solved! • The most dangerous part of success • Who to keep in your life/who to offload • All this and more!!!

How much pain in our lives is self-inflicted? How much comes from others? Answer: damn near all of it is self-inflicted, because we choose most of the people we let into our life.

Once we leave home, it’s up to us whether we stay close to the family or avoid them like ebola. We can choose a solitary life or create our own families to drive us to drink and drugs. We have one life to live – why spend it with assholes?

Think about it, how many times have you wound up punching a hole in the wall because somebody is making you nuts or miserable. Do they ever do that at gunpoint? No? Then why the hell are you hanging around with creeps that bring you down?

Every April 15, Uncle Suck forces us to self audit. Because the last thing we want to do is give that bastard a penny more than we have to. Think of this episode as your chance to audit your relationships. So often, we hang out with people out of habit instead of choice. Why? Because we’re lazy.

It’s time to change things up. This is feng shui for friendships. This will help you take a hard look at the people in your life and put them in their proper place – by your side, between your sheets or out on their ass.

Next month, will post the 100^th episode of That LARRY SHOW. That’s a big damn deal, isn’t it? To celebrate right, I’m having a dojo open house. And it’s so damn convenient, you don’t even have to leave your house. Just call my house – at 302-715 -2779. Then, talk. Say whatever you like. It can be about this show, or it can be about the time your dog passed a ping pong ball through his ass. Whatever you want to say to me and other listeners, say it. But do it fast, because I like to edit things tight and if you wait too long, you won’t be heard.

Its going to be a lot of fun.

And speaking of fun, here’s one of the most fun (and pointy) listeners of the show, Keri. She made this vid just for me and I am deeply touched.

Here’s the voice mail # again: 302-715-2779.

Write to me at thatlarryshow@gmail.com.

Follow the show on Twitter and Facebook.

Join the dojo here and sink your teeth into bonus content, signed books custom recordings and more.

Come hang with us again for Sinners’ Sunday – this time I’m going after the hypocrites.

See you this weekend.

Episode 92: Kickin’ Ass With Samson (Sinners’ Sunday #15)

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Samson: hero or kinky, cross-dressing dope? • How women lobotomize men without surgery • How to use the Bible for a self-help book • The little blue pill men really need • The Bible passage that will save you from marriage disaster • The nuttiest fight scene ever put on film • The story of Samson like you’ve never heard it before!

Episode 91: When “I’m sorry” means “F.U.”

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Incels replace isis! • School sics cops on kid for pointing a Lego – Larry has the exclusive 911 call! • What the hell is everyone apologizing for? • Who are the “I’m sorry” phonies? • Why “closure” is a bullsh*t word • When “I’m sorry” really means f**k you • Finding closure with piano wire • This episode has it all!

Episode 90: Was J.C. a Momma’s Boy? (Sinners’ Sunday #14)

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Was Mary a TNS chick? What sort of mother was she? Who or what made J.C. turn water into wine? Did he back-talk his momma? Did she put up with his snotty attitude? Was J.C. a slacker? An under-achiever? What made him decide to finally strut his stuff? All this and more in this bizarro Mother’s Day episode.

Episode 89: Kill Your Selfie

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Selfies – more dangerous than sharks • The social-media – (not-so) – good Samaritans • Larry’s near-death encounter with an elephant • Types of selfies and what they reveal about you • A man, a bear, a selfie, the “friends” who filmed his demise and the stray dog that tried to save him • Why it’s okay to laugh at others’ deaths (but not their accents) • All this and more!

First there was the Greatest Generation. (The teleprompter-reader who co-opted the phrase for his bestseller, Tom Brokaw, is now part of the ever expanding #metoo my–career–and–reputation–is fucked generation along with many of his marginally talented cultural Marxist and Roofie dropping colleagues. Tough shit, Tom. You were never really good. You just suited up well and kissed the right asses. Same as Rather, Jennings et. al.

Then there was the Pepsi Generation. What did they do besides wear bell-bottoms and beads, chant Kumbaya and pass out Commie screeds? Fuck them, too.

Here we are in the Selfie Generation. Their depth of narcissism has created many billionaires and centi-milionaires, deca-millionaires and millionaires. Because Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, YouTube and all this other shit are NOT advertising mediums as they claim. They are ego-inflation machines.

Long before social media was ever dreamed of, Andy Warhol said someday everyone will be famous for 15 minutes. Or less. Like the duration of a single Tweet.

Everybody wants to be somebody. Every body wants to say “I’m here, look at me.” (Or in my case, “listen to me.”) But in defense of myself, I try to offer something in return for your attention and support. The Selfie people just want your attention with no reciprocation, no quid pro quo, just… dig me because I’m me. Well, they can just eat shit. Unless the selfie/attention demand comes from pointy chicks. Only they deserve our attention and support just for being them. They beautify our ugly world. They keep out economy booming as men buy them stuff to win their favors. They keep us…alert, courteous and needy.

As I sang in episode 9, It’s a Pointy, Hot-Chick World. And that’s the truth.

In case you’re new to all this, here’s a Pointy Chick. It’s not a selfie, but who cares?

In this episode, I promised to post one of my own few selfies. This is me in Queens, NY in glorious B&W on a cold but sunny winter’s day.

I’ve always been a camera freak. I was already deep into 35mm, but I found an old Kodak Duo-flex and loaded it with Plus-X. Click. Selfie. Frozen in time. For any other camera freaks out there, I fell in love with the square format and would eventually acquire a Rollieflex, T. Maybe still my favorite camera of all time. Is it better than digital? No. But it feels cooler in your hand, and the mechanics of it are magnificent.

In the meantime, join the Take No Shit Dojo here

Write to me (or send selfies) at thatlarryshow@gmail.com

Follow the show on Twitter. And Facebook.

I’ll see you this weekend for Sinners Sunday.

Episode 88: Why do BAD things happen to GOOD people?

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Laugh at Job † Is God a prick? † Why did God hang out with Satan? † Meet Jehova, the joker/sadist † What in tarnation is reincarnation? † Who was more evil, Satan or Jehova? † All this and more in today’s episode of Sinner’s Sunday.

No matter how much of a boat ride your life is, sooner or later, bad shit’s going to happen – to someone you love and then to you. It’s inevitable. When it goes down, will you wig-out and pull your hair and tear at your clothes and scream what did (insert loved-one’s name, or capital I) do to deserve this!?!?!? How can God be such a prick?!?! At that moment, will God be laughing at you or nodding his head in vengeful satisfaction? That would depend on which God-provider you had shoved down your throat as a kid.

Why do bad things happen to good people is the most difficult question for God-providers around the world. They’ll throw all sorts of crap at you, about Job, or a perfect God having created an imperfect world. They’re grasping at straws and full of crap. ALL of them.

The Job story is so sick, I’m surprised some reality show cretin hasn’t yet based a show on the tale. Take some schlub and strip him of his worldly possessions, then kill his family, then infect him with a disfiguring disease. If at no point he curses his tormentors – or even gets angry, he wins a wink and a smile from Simon Cowles and a trip to Sandals Jamaica. The show could be called Anger Management, and wouldn’t that be au curant? Think that’s implausible? Then you’re not from Los Angeles. Here, there are legions of imbeciles who would make that deal in a heartbeat just to get their stupid, botoxed faces on TV. I swear to Jehova.

This is the 13^th gathering of Sinners’ Sunday and perhaps achieves my goal more than any thus far. My initial intent was to blow to smithereens the lies, idiocy and hypocrisy of big time religion while unearthing the beautiful truths on which some of them were founded. And do it without an iota of bullshit. While having a drink and a laugh. And B-B-Q. Hanging out with other truth seekers. And Brother Dre and the pointy Larry-ettes. I think I’ve achieved that here. I hope you agree.

If you do, please support this ministry. I’ll bet you’ve thrown plenty o’ jing at whatever church you were raised in. (I know I have.) What have you gotten in return? Laughs? Entertainment? Honest answers? Enlightenment?

Sinners’ Sunday delivers those with every episode. And you don’t have to sit next to some fart-bag in a hot church on an ass-punishing bench. Beat that price-value relationship. I dare you.

So today – this Sunday, instead of tossing your greenbacks into that green felt-lined basket to buy another prime rib dinner for that over-fed hypocrite in the fancy silk robes whose every need is fulfilled by a multi-billion-dollar corporation that is NOT a religion, but merely franchises religion, put that $$ back in your pocket and click this link and help me deliver the truth each week. This ministry costs me time (a lot of time) and money.

Thank you Mike for the kick-ass question that launched today’s episode.

Write to me at thatlarryshow@gmail.com.

Voice mail – 302-71-Larry

See you Tuesday for the regular show.

Episode 87: Give Me Danger!

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Danger, why we need it! • Why safety is over-rated • Why America is obese • Who are the Helmet People? • Are you one of them? • How Larry was almost killed in Paris • The smarter investment than Bitcoin • Why most safety is really about Kontrol • What is Danger Day and why will it be better than Christmas? • The soundtrack of 21^st Century America – revealed • All this and more in this dangerous episode!

Episode 86: How to Make Your Own Heaven on Earth (Sinners’ Sunday #12)

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How to make your heaven on earth • What’s 1400 square miles with a 200 foot wall? • Why was Larry riding a white turkey? • What 6-letter word usually means hell on earth? • Why should you start a family? • What vehicle will you drive in the afterlife? • Truth, the who not the what • All this and more in Sinners’ Sunday #12!