Larry’s prank call that had NYC cops chasing their tails • The mass-suicide that was hilarious! • Why YOU are in a CULT and don’t even know it • Which cult did Larry escape from? • How a creepy, talentless dwarf got a harem (and you can, too!) • The cult that hitched a ride on a comet • What to wear to heaven • Why St. Peter cares about your shoes • The pointy chix who fought for Larry’s soul • America’s new, fun religion • All this and more!
Question: What’s more fun than a mass-suicide of 39 web developers, many of whom were self-gelded?
Answer: Nothing. That’s about as funny as life (and death) gets. The Heaven’s Gate story happened 20 years ago, and I’m still laughing. And you will too when you stroll down Suicide Lane with Do Applewhite and his batshit-crazy disciples. See for yourself – their website is still up, right here . Is it wrong to laugh at the dead? Not those dead.
From that doughy little pissant in Pyongyang to your neighbor who thinks immortality is attainable through wheat-grass and date shakes, cults are just plain funny. Which is why I had to do this show. Cults are such a rich vein of comic material, it was tough keeping the episode to my usual compact length. I’m already considering a sequel. If you know any nutty adult cults about to do something sick to themselves, please give me advance notice. I want the scoop.
In this episode, you’ll meet Carson Bates, the rich-kid round-peg in a hexagonal hole who wound up with a genie hair-do, a saffron robe and a big goofy drum. And had platoons of NY cops looking for him, thanks to a prank phone call from moi.
Meet the impossibly pointy Tonya & Sister Stevens, who fought to induct me into their respective cults. Women — you can’t live with them and you can’t recruit stupid men without them.
Take a second look at the foreign matter my kid discovered in a bag of tortilla chips. What the hell is that thing? Maybe there should be some kind of guessing contest. Suggestions are welcome.
Lay them on me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Or ramble mindlessly at 302-71-larry.
Looks like Dick Masterson has been banned from Twitter again. Maybe we can carry his flag while he’s in the corner. Tweet at me.
Gotta go now. My saffron robe is just in from the dry cleaners. Hare Krishna!