Episode 35: Dogs Are Better Than People

Why dogs are better than people • How a dog ruined Larry’s Christmas, and his father’s car, yet delivered this show to you • Why Larry loved Freddy, the world’s most psychotic, homicidal canine (and you will too) • What did Larry find in a junkyard that became an article of clothing he wore for years? • Is Trixie a dog name, a hooker name, or both? Meet Mama Jenkins, a .12 gauge totin’ maniac who almost took out Larry’s extended family • What is Madera Star-Flecked Twilight and how can it bring you spiritual enlightenment? All this and more!

If you want a friend, buy a dog. Truer words were never spoken. This is the canine episode and early reviews are already ranking it top 3, right up there with How To Be a Mack Daddy and Larry’s Road Trip to Destiny. So make sure those ear-buds are snug and you’ve plenty of Kleenex. If you have a girlfriend, listen with her and you’ll thank me later. And the best way to do that is join the dojo at Patreon.com/thatlarryshow.

Did you know that around the world, people have different ways of mimicking dog barks? In the USA, we say bow-bow or woof-woof. But in South Korea, they say mung-mung! How do I know that? Join Patreon and maybe I’ll tell you in a bonus episode I’ll be doing on pointy, mysterious girlfriends from beyond Cathay.

Here’s my dog, Moose. He’s a nasty little bastard, but I still love him. Why? Because he’s 12 pounds of Take No Sh*t ferocity. He looks sullen and pissed-off because as this image was snapped, some bozo said the word neuter.

For the record, I’ll shoot the next person who suggests I have him de-balled.

Will Rogers, who was not remotely funny in any way, was famous for having said, “I never met a man I didn’t like.” That signature quotation is not remotely funny and also proves him to be a liar. He was a jug-eared, un-funny goober who did his unfunny act while playing with a lariat. I’ve always wanted to go off on Rogers, and this is an opportunity to shoe-horn that in while saying my signature quotation: “I’ve met only a few dogs I don’t like, but most people piss me off.”

Follow ThatLARRYSHOW on Twitter. Why? Because that’s where I hang out between Tuesdays and sometimes rail about crap like the anti-free speech ad from those Commie pukes at Reebok. Here’s the meme I created that went viral. It was a re-work of their stupid “buy our sneakers while we tell you what to think and say and how to act” advertisement.

I once owned a pair of their sneakers, and they made my feet hurt.

Last week, we launched the first Life Hacks From The Dojo bonus mini-sode on Patreon and it was a hit. And it’s available to all belt-levels, not only the elevated (and pricier) ones. So email us your troubles to thatlarryshow@gmail.com and get a sensei on your side.

Is the thumb nail for this week’s episode an homage to Dick Masterson’s book, MABTW? Well, sorta/kinda. I’ve known great people of either sex (I never use the word gender) and plenty of cretins, too. But dogs are far superior to human beings. Fact. Fight me. And I’ll have Moose tear the ass off you.