Episode 59: Larry’s Death-Defying Winter Holiday, Part 1

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What are hostage holidays? • What’s the Holiday Wasteland and how do you survive it? • How many young women did Larry fit into the luggage racks of a “motor coach?” •  What do you do when a psycho named Monty tries to set your room on fire? • Skiing @ 85 below zero – is it fun? • Who is Trumpet Steve and why is he a chick magnet? •  Which form of mass transit  turns adults into drunken kids? • What does hypothermia feel like? • All this and MORE in Part One of this special episode.

2018.

In only two years, it will be the twenties again. Will they roar? Unless something cataclysmic occurs, no. But I hope to hell they do. Because our world is turning into a fucking pre-school run by angry gender-neutral, nanny-statist cretins who know nothing about life, live their own lives as a veal does and  want everyone to be safe and offended. That should be their zombie-like mantra. Be safe! Be offended! Have a nice day!

Anybody who says have a safe anything should have their face punched in. Safety is overrated. Safety is an illusion. Safety’s for bed wetters. Just like rubber sheets.

Not too long ago, people were tougher. More resilient and self-reliant. That made them fun and interesting and sexy. Now, most people are mushy blobs of fear and compliance. And they wear helmets for every god damn thing. Ski helmets are stupid. If Sonny Bono had worn one, he’d be alive today. See? Ski helmets are stupid.

In this episode, come along with me for an adventure in a winter wonderland. Or more accurately, a ski weekend where a cosmic wind swept out of another galaxy and raked the Adirondack mountains of upstate New York, producing temperatures more typical of Siberia. 38 below zero, with a wind chill yielding 85 below. But numbers lack feeling. Numbers spark no images. How about a cold so cold, spit bounces like a pebble. That’s cold. That you can see and hear and do. Bouncing spit.

Blissfully, on this crazy ski weekend, we soldiered on and had loads of fun. Did we almost die? Hell yeah. Maybe that’s what really made it fun. Plus, there were pointy chicks. Lots of them. And they looked really fetching in their snow bunny outfits. There was copious drinking. There were threats of hyper-violence and arson. If those aren’t the  main ingredients of a fun time, what are?

I recently over heard — no,  actually, I was eavesdropping — a high school kid tell his pal how he made a prank phone call to his teacher – not a threat – just a goofy kid prank call. And the asshole teacher called the cops and… they showed up! In Los Angeles. That says where we are as a society. Not a good place.

This first of a two part episode will make you wish for a cataclysm.

Join the Take No Shit Dojo here – and be unsafe! (It’s only the only place you can get Part 2 of this amazing episode.)

Email me at thatlarryshow@gmail.com. And be offensive!

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