Episode 37: Larry Re-brands God

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GOD RE-BRANDEDas Tony Spumonte! • Take a ride… in Tony Spumonte’s inter-dimensional Cadillac • Give Us This Day Our Daily Gnocchi • Why God has become hip as a flip phone • How to win a Lottery • What is the Splat Calculator? • Tweeting your prayers • If Tony Spumonte saves the world will he still be a criminal? • Who created the Cosmic Cherry Bomb? • Why Karma is Krap • The good, sustainable meteor that Bill Nye & Al Gore want you to love and die for • Why people who play God should have their faces punched off their skullsAll this and more!!!!

Have you noticed how people talk about “The Universe” like it’s some kind of ATM that requires no card, no password and no re-filling? Those panhandlers at train stations and freeway ramps… why haven’t they heard about “The Universe” and the “abundance” it bestows on you? Don’t they know The Secret?  What’s The Secret? It was a 2006 book that made the author sick rich.  The Secret says we need only  ask the Universe and follow the Laws of Attraction. But why not just ask Universe for the money? Writing books is hard work (I’ve written several myself). And they don’t always make money.

When we see a pointy chick we obey the Laws of Attraction, but has it ever made us a dime?

When it became uncool to be a known associate of God, self-help gurus invented this Universe jazz, so people can pray and beg something… for money and candy and sex and muscles and fidget spinners and  not have to feel/look like their parents. It’s all nonsense.

Is there hope for Mankind? Now that Tony Spumonte is GOD, you bet your sweet ass there is. He’s the ultimate Take No Sh*t guy and if you ask him for something, he’s gonna deliver. Of course, he may ask you for something in return. But that’s a lot better than praying to Jupiter and Mars and the Hale-Bopp Comet.

Right from Day One as our Supreme Being, Tony is called upon to save the entire planet. A meteor the size of Alaska is headed for New York at warp speed and unless Tony can stop it, Mother Earth is gonna get her hard drive wiped. (IMHO, she deserves it.)

Download this episode. Listen. Learn. Tell all your friends about Tony. He’s the God you’ve been waiting for all your life.

Then get this shirt.  Whether a meteor is on its way to destroy Earth, or you’re on your way to Jack In The Box, let people know you stand for something. And that you Take No Shi*t.

Then follow the show on Twitter. Sometimes I post some incendiary stuff there. And sneak previews of thumbnails, which are the best in all of podcast land.

On Instagram, where you’ll find an ever-growing gallery of those fantastic thumbnails.

Join the Take No Sh*T Dojo Patreon for special rewards – like signed books and special episodes non-dojo members will never, ever hear. Like the one being posted in a few days that will teach you how to decode Chick Speak. That’s right, Chix have their own verbal and non-verbal languages. If you don’t know them, you’re in for a lifetime of emotional whup-ass. Or, you can not join Patreon and continue to get beaten up by girls. The choice is yours.

Got trouble? Email thatlarryshow@gmail.com, or voice mail 302-71-larry. We have sensies at the Dojo who can fix damn near anything.

 

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