Where to meet your soul mate • Why Valentine’s Day is THE most dangerous day • Steve Wynn’s $7.5 mil payoff and the power-drunk punk bureaucrat • The new abnormal norms • Why Caitlyn Jenner knows more than you do • Why men must get pointy to get laid • How men are outgunned in the battle of the sexes • Everything you need to know about love and more!!!!
Here we are looking down the barrel of another Valentine’s Day – a day usually fraught with anxiety – but now, it’s just outright dangerous. Why? Because if you’re a dude who wants to win the heart – or other select parts of a chick – and you don’t do the Valentine thing juuuust right – you might wind up smeared, jobless or even jailed. That’s where we’re at now in our so-called society.
I can’t wait to see this year’s stories of Valentine’s abuse and triggering. OMG! The flowers he gave me made me sneeze! I want him fired! Or… the chocolates weren’t non-GMO… I’m suing! Or… He sent me a Valentine card without my written consent! Off with his scrotum!
How did we get here? Is our species doomed? Fear and paranoia are the new emotional norms. It’s eerily reminiscent of the movie Invasion of the Body Snatchers. The plot was simple – some type of viral cosmic filth blew onto the earth and while everyone slept, they were digested by giant, swollen zucchinis and re-constituted to look as they did prior to ingestion. But the new Veggie People had flat-lined personalities.They all smiled that same dead eyed, dial-tone smile. They never laughed. They never showed any emotion. They just went about their normal business with all the verve, enthusiasm and predictability one would expect from a walking, talking squash. Until they met someone who had not yet been re-constituted. Then the would get triggered. They would stop and stare and point and screech like a Banshee getting corn-holed by a white hot, spiked javelin.
This is what it looked and sounded like:
There was a lot of controversy over the allegory of the movie. To me, it represented the Commie take-over. The hive mentality. The genocide of the individual.
If I were re-making the movie, I’d have it end on more of an up-note. The unconverted girl in the raincoat would pull a sawed-off 12 gauge from beneath her coat and stick it in Donald Zucchini Sutherland’s shrieking mouth and pull the trigger, blowing out the back of his head with a fine mist of blood and pumpkin guts.
I can think of nothing more thrilling that flirting with a pointy female. And now, the sex, speech and behavior Nazis are writing a code of conduct for that endeavor. These rigid, meddlesome, dictatorial shit-bags must be stopped, or
We. Are. Fucking. Doomed..
…unless armies of smart, enlightened, vivacious, non-Birkenstock-wearing women coalesce and organize and arm themselves with razor wits and tongues and humor and humanity and sawed-off shotguns and stop the galloping advance of the cosmic space filth that has invaded our world.
Ladies, the fate of our species is in your smooth, femme, manicured, bejeweled, competent and loving hands. SAVE US!
My new spin-off show – Brother Larry’s Sinful Sunday premieres this Sunday, February 11. Don’t miss it! It is going to SERIOUSLY trigger most organized religions and the frauds that run them. We’ll be serving cocktails while we take a spiritual journey to the truth.
Write to me at firstname.lastname@example.org
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See you Sunday. And then Tuesday.