Truth lives at That LARRY SHOW, a weekly sojourn at the crossroads of madness and enlightenment. With LARRY in your life, you'll Take No Sh*t, and laugh your way to victory.
What style is YOUR God? Vindictive? Prankster? Delegator? Out To Lunch?■ Does God forgive horrible people? ■ Why is Satan represented by a goat? ■ How is religion a lot like sports? ■ Which God team has the most fabulous uniforms? ■ Why people worshipers are stupid ■ All this and more in Sinners’ Sunday #59!
Hear the greatest prank call of all time! ■ O.J.’s 4 secrets to a great life ■ How O.J. launched the Kardashian Empire ■ Why there can never be another star as big as O.J.. ■ How O.J. saved Los Angeles ■ The curse of O.J., and its victims ■ The Dream Team – where are they now? ■ How O.J. became an industry
How close can you be to the most famous murder in history? It varies. A lot. I dined more than once at Mezzaluna,
the restaurant where Nicole Brown Simpson and Ron Goldman were last seen alive. (The location was most recently a Peet’s coffee joint, but that failed. Maybe the land is cursed.
In a macabre twist, Mezzaluna is a type of kitchen knife, like this:
The murder weapon was never found, but forensics guys figured it to be something like this:
Ron’s father, Fred, must have worked or lived somewhere in my vicinity. On several occasions, I saw him crawling in rush hour traffic on the 101 Ventura Freeway. He looked like the saddest man on earth.
I once saw OJ at La Guardia Airport. He was a big guy, but small for a football player. People swarmed him like he was a rock star.
I visited the murder site.
It was a short walk from my office in the Westwood area of LA. It was only a day or two after. Some of the blood had been mopped up, but there was still plenty caked in the grout. The bodies had beeen removed.
One of my listeners, Rich, tells me he lives near Nicole Brown Simpson’s grave. When he shoots a picture, I’ll post it here.
A few months before the murders, LA was pounded by an incredible earthquake. My home was knocked off its footings. The TV was thrown across the room. The violence of the temblor – especially the vertical motion – was beyond belief. It only lasted around 45 seconds, but it knocked Los Angeles off its footings, too.
I had no power in my home for several days and no water for about a week.
The worst thing about quakes is the aftershocks. They continued for many days with no predictability of timing, duration or intensity. Why clean up the house if at any moment, it might be pounded again? I’ll have to do a show on the quake, but where I’m going with this is – in a weird way – OJ was exactly what Los Angeles needed. A massive distraction. With the Northridge earthquake, LA had lived through a real-life disaster movie. The OJ simpson media circus was the comic relief.
For well over a year, Los Angeles was able to forget about the depressed economy, the homes upside down on their mortgages, the raging unemployment – and focus on the nicest guy in the world turned double murderer. When the cameras were not on the relatives of the victims, it was the funniest show ever put on TV. Ever.
Now, a quarter century later, OJ is still providing laughs. Clearly, he loves the limelight, so he just started tweeting. As of this writing, he has 750,000 Twitter followers, growing at about 30,000 per day.
At first glance, one might think, “Wow. He’s still popular.” Until you look at the Tweets.
OJ is nothing if not resilient. But I’m not certain even he can withstand the level of abuse and revulsion he’s getting via Twitter.
Was OJ guilty? It sure looked that way. Do I care? Not in the slightest. The American court system is catastrophically fucked. Anyone who denies this is delusional. (It’s terrifying how many D.A.s deny this fact. At least they could cop to the truth.)
Was OJ all bad? Again, I couldn’t give a rat’s ass. Never met the guy, probably never will. But he has some standout qualities that all of us can emulate and deploy for our own betterment.
Love him or hate him, a weaker, less disciplined person would have folded long ago. So he must know something about survival. I’ve studied OJ for a long time, and I’ve figured out the four secrets that have kept him not only alive, but enjoying life – after all these years.
Is a rubber mallet a good murder weapon? ♠ How many times should you strike an intruder – for your safety? ♠ Was Larry’s dad a mystic ninja? ♠ What’s job #1 for all fathers? ♠ Which childhood game best prepares you for hunting/combat? ♠ What animal has biological avionics no aircraft will ever match? ♠ Besides gloves, what should you wear when killing an intruder – (for your safety)? ♠ What should you give your dad this Father’s Day?
The “Bad Dad” narrative that’s wrecking lives ▲ Joe: the surrogate dad who became a superstar▲ The “humankind-as-God” lie pin-heads and Commies are pushing ▲ How God is the original “Bad Dad” ▲ Madonna, “smasher of the patriarchy” (!) ▲ How and where Brother Larry found the Sinners’ Sunday chapel ▲ All this and more in this special Father’s Day episode
L.A. plague – IN PROGRESS • Will AI be the end of mankind? • Why technology will always be beatable • The great equalizer nobody talks about • Larry bitch slaps LA’s empty-suit mayor… right after Dr. Drew does!• Medieval times come to Los Angeles – Bubonic, TB, Typhus – take your pick, or grab all three! • Live phone call from deadly Italian ship wreck • The ghost in Larry’s machine
Technology – one of the most over used words. I’ve seen it used in advertising for driveway gravel. Of course, it’s fun – especially for guys. Men are gadget freaks and all technology falls under the guise of gadgetry. Does it matter whether it’s a toaster or a rocket thruster? We get immense satisfaction out of making something – anything – and then, once plugging it in or lighting the fuse or pulling the trigger, exclaiming “Holy shit! It WORKS!”
I had a girlfriend who had a pet hamsters. I found them repulsive – like most rodents. And one of the little bastards escaped in her apartment. She was overwrought. I feigned concern but didn’t really give a shit. Then I realized, if that thing crawled into the wall and croaked, the place would reek and I’d probably be nominated to deal with the mess. So I made a trap. With a design I recalled Elmer Fudd using in a Bugs Bunny cartoon. Shoebox, stick, string, with a wad of peanut butter in a dish on the kitchen floor. She scoffed. My trap “looked stupid.”
It looked a lot like this. But mine had a string tied to the stick – kind of an important detail.
Within 20 minutes, hamster was captured, unharmed. My heroism and my technological ingenuity was rewarded. Generously. Enthusiastically. Repeatedly.
For a long time, one of Hollywood’s antagonists has been AI. And now, it’s here, and people are freaking out. I’m not. My trap may have looked stupid, but many people are stupid, and people created AI.
Los Angeles has a huge stupid population, concentrated in City Hall. Biggest gang of fucktards you ever saw. Some years ago, the City Council made a big announcement. They passed a MORATORIUM on murder, for 48 hours. ( It was over some holiday weekend.)
Morons applauded. Cops laughed. Non mouth-breathing citizens jeered and mocked the City Council. And the gangs, who also can read, took it as a challenge. They revised their drive-by schedule as an “oh yeah? Hold my beer” reply to the City Council. And murders increased that weekend. Sharply. That’s how fucking stupid LA politicians are. Catastrophically stupid. (How stupid? See a major thoroughfare re-painted with lane lines and crosswalks. See that same street re-paved a week later. And re-painted again – a week after that. I’ll tell you who isn’t stupid. The paint contractor. He’s rich.)
So now, epidemiologists and other doctors, who tend not to be mouth breathers, are warning of a medieval style plague in LA, mostly due to the massive homeless population with zero sanitation. The filth is indescribable. After a very rainy winter, the rat population is booming and so Bubonic plague is a lead-pipe cinch.
And people are worried about AI?
Here are some images of decay in the City of Angels. This is what stupid, Lefty politicians do. It wasn’t always this way. They did this.
Cruise ships are floating temples of technology, aren’t they? I mean, it takes a lot of know-how to pack theme parks and casinos and restaurants and nightclubs and theaters and swimming pools onto a vessel that can sail around the world, doesn’t it? Yet, ships sink every day. And this one, the MSC Opera, went haywire and crashed into a dock in Venice. Here’s the thrilling video.
The crew said the ship’s controls were unresponsive. I bet a rat chewed through some wire at the helm.
How to salvage a dying friendship ■ Why are friendships so hard to find? ■ What’s a real friend? ■ Troubling trends in friends ■ Larry’s S&G friendship factor ■ Larry’s Victoria’s Secret friends ■ What’s happened to buddy movies? ■ Larry solves a listener’s problem: should she give a cheater a 2nd chance? ■ When does popularity peak? ■ If you’ve ever been lonely, this is your episode!
3 spiritual ingredients for a great life ■ What’s in your God food? ■ Why has God become un-cool? ■ Are you spiritually starving? ■ The always open, always fresh, all-you-can-eat, absolutely free, God Buffet ■ Who are the truly cool people? ■ How did they get that way? ■ How YOU can become FEARLESS ■ All this and more in this belly-filling episode of Sinners’ Sunday
Larry’s adventure in the Iron Triangle ▲ The Ford that almost killed him ▲ How do you find a real expert?▲Technician vs mechanic – what’s the difference? ▲ Ways experts kill you – or at least maim you ▲How to spot phony experts ▲The truth Larry found at a toxic dump ▲ The expert who made Larry look like a clown ▲ Idiots who pose as experts ▲ All this and more in yet another episode that can save your life!
More often than not, when I wrap up and post an episode (usually in the wee small hours of the morning), I have a head slap moment. Why the hell didn’t I mention this or that? Then, I swear to myself that in the morning, I’ll add here whatever I failed to mention in the show. In the morning, distractions prevail and sometimes my “ah-ha” thought just evaporates in the recesses of my mind.
Not this time. Albeit, it’s morning two days later.
This episode is about experts and how so many of them are full of shit. Primarily those who claim their “expert” status based on some academic degree. To all those experts, let me issue a decidedly hostile and blanket fuck you, you’re full of shit. Unless their expertise is proven in some tangible, real world context, they are not experts, they’re just seat-warmers who absorbed and regurgitated information to the satisfaction of other ersatz experts. Until they prove themselves, they should shut the fuck up.
But even experts with proven chops are frequently wrong. History is packed with moments when experts shit the bed with their expert opinions. Early in his career, Einstein said nuclear energy was impossible. Western Union, the telegraph outfit, said telephones had no practical application. The CEO of IBM didn’t think the market for computers would ever exceed a few hundred. And so on.
William Goldman, the guy who wrote Butch Cassidy & The Sundance Kid, famously said of Hollywood, ‘nobody knows nuthin’. He’d have been more correct if he’d not limited the scope to Hollywood, but to the species.
Long ago, I owned a Ford LTD that was trying to kill me. It would stall, without warning, at highway speed. In my quest to find a mechanic who could accurately diagnose it, I journeyed to a wondrous place in Queens NY. They called it the Iron Triangle. There, hundreds of freelance automotive repair guys – none of whom had any degrees or certifications or licenses or any of the imprimaturs of officialdom – would fix cars for a fraction of the cost charged by the thieves working at licensed repair shops and car stealerships. Iron Triangle guys had no garages – they worked in corrugated steel stalls – many with tarps for a roof. No heat. Mud floors. No sidewalk. No sewers. No pavement. Hand-painted signage. They built their clientele the old fashioned way – word of mouth.
The Iron Triangle was fantastic. It was an authentic, organic, grimy, hazardous, wild and loud corner of Queens where soccer moms and guys who wore Dockers and penny loafers dared not enter. I loved it. As a small kid, I visited it many times with my dad, who also never wore Dockers or penny loafers. He was a big DIY guy. I miss him every day of my life.
I rarely get back to New York. Somewhere, in the back of my mind, I had a vague plan of visiting the Iron Triangle – which was actually named Willets Point. Now, I must scratch that plan, for the Iron Triangle is no more. Just as Times Square is no more and so much of the New York I grew up in has vanished forever. It’s been corporatized and sanitized and it’s fucking boring.
Billionaire Michael Bloomberg, who must have modeled for the flying monkeys in the Wizard of Oz, decided, in his elitist purview, that the Iron Triangle was a big blemish on his city. So he and a cabal of social – engineering shit-heads bulldozed the fucking place a few years ago. By now, their multi-billion-dollar dream redevelopment – housing, schools, and of course a MALL, should have been completed. But it hasn’t even broken ground.
Bloomberg’s long gone and his scummy successors are still fighting over the spoils, so now, instead of Willets Point being a place where hundreds of guys could make up to six figures doing hard work, and an entire city – hell, the Tri-State area – could get a bargain in automotive repair – Willets Point is now a multi-acre puddle of oily mud, weeds and birdshit.
To sell their sleazy plan, of course they brayed about “the children.” There were no children for miles. They brayed about jobs. Minimum wage jobs at Costco or Starbucks or Bed Bath & Beyond. The fact is, all those unlicensed mechanics and upholsterers and pipe benders already had fucking jobs. Jobs of their own creation that netted them a living of $70, $80, $90 or sometimes in excess of $100k. Jobs that supported families and carried mortgages. Any jobs pay that kind of money at Olive Garden or Costco? Fuck no. Those are slave jobs, with near zero opportunity for advancement – just the way douche bags like Bloomberg and now Commie elitist mayor DiBlowzio like ‘em. Elitist scum. Fuck them. Fuck them all. And fuck all self anointed “experts.”
What happens when you learn you have an 8 year-old child? ■ Should old (romantic) acquaintance be forgot? ■ Do people ever change? ■ What level of lie is acceptable? ■ How should you handle a liar? ■ What makes a father a good father? ■ When to trust/when to verify? ■ How dangerous can one old flame be? ■ How to leave the past in the past
6 reasons everyone is pissed off ▲ Easy ways to decompress ▲ The worst thing about prison ▲ What happens when we’re overcrowded? ▲ Why anger management is a load of crap ▲ How and why corporations are deliberately triggering you ▲ How Larry gets triggered at supermarket deli departments ▲ Why L.A. is still better than N.Y. ( but they both suck) ▲ Are we all becoming Frank Booth?