Episode 30: The 4th of July Death Bomb

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What is a Death Bomb and why did it terrify Tony Spumonte? • Who is Bleeding Jesus Freddy? • Why all inflatable gorillas should be stabbed  • Which sucks more: Sale-a-thons or Sale-a-brations? • The evil fireworks ring you should love and support  • What’s inside Larry’s bag of tortilla chips, and why did it make his kid puke? • Which is the greatest patriotic song and who recorded it? • Will America exist in 1,000 years? • If not, who will have destroyed it? • All this and more!!!

Christmas in July? In America, we’ve had that since 1776 when we flipped the bird to King George and granted ourselves the real first freedom, the right to blow stuff to smithereens every July 4. But safety-obsessed nanny-statist puke bags have revoked that right, or at least gelded it to a point where spirited hand claps may be deemed “offensive displays of nationalism.” Those people are garbage. Throw ’em out!

In this episode, harken back to a July 4th in the not-too-distant past where Larry and his crew ignite a firework that would have Homeland Security wetting their pants and screaming for life terms.

Hang with Larry, Tony, pointy chicks and a new side-man: Bleeding Jesus Freddy. Eat and drink until your guts burst, then drink some more, play volleyball, water ski and at dusk, prepare for the big KA-BOOM! That’s what the 4th is all about. Freedom and adventure. Scarce in this world but abundant in every episode of That LARRY SHOW.

I call on all listeners and Dojo members to help solve a mystery – what’s in the tortilla bag that made my daughter puke? The bag remains sealed and the billion-dollar manufacturer remains unnamed. Perhaps next week I’ll post a photo of the sack and its repulsive foreign matter contents. I refrain from doing so today because chips are a staple of 4th of July feasts and I don’t want to ruin yours with a hideous image of… whatever the hell is in that bag. You cannot un-see this,  folks.

Did you know the show is on instagram? Some claim this show has the best thumbnails in all the podcast universe. Every one is meticulously conceived of and hand-crafted by your humble host. What do you think?

Stay tuned for tomorrow’s big, BIG release – only on PATREON. HOW TO BUILD YOUR OWN SUPERMAN… YOU.  What’s it about? It’s about $5, but it’s the single best investment in your future you’ll ever make. Don’t miss it.

Follow us on Twitter , where we deliver 140 – character throat-punches to Commies and other creeps between episodes. Sometimes they’re group beat-downs with Dick Masterson.

Send us your troubles to thatlarryshow@gmail.com. But be quick about it. Our senseis are becoming overwhelmed and we may have to make them accessible only through Patreon.

Get an official dojo tee shirt here. They’re nearly sold out and collectible as hell – there won’t be a second run once these are gone.

I do hope you have already acquired you illegal fireworks for a bangin’ 4th of July. If you’re reading this, you already know about TNS, so I’ll leave you with a temporary slogan that will carry you safely through the coming holiday. DO NOT HOLD IN HAND.

 

Episode 29: Your 30 – Minute Ph.D.

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What song makes Larry go postal? • What is a mamaluke? • TONY SPUMONTE’s mob criteria for friendship • What your school never taught you • Best ways to choose your friends • The drugged-up doctor you must avoid • Meet one of Larry’s early TNS Senseis • Who are the dumbest guys we know? •  Parental showdowns you need to see •  What do Bill Gates, Richard Branson and Steve Jobs have in common? • All this and more…

The audience has spoken… your favorite episode so far was last week’s journey into Father’s Day. The reaction was just astonishing… thank you! If you’ve not yet listened, click here to discover why strong men (and women) were fighting back tears (unsuccessfully) all over the world.

Now here’s the audio bookend to the dads ‘n’ grads seasonal. If you’re anywhere between kindergarten and the Polident years, there’s something here for you. Like meeting Mr. Petz, the Take No Sh*T teacher who imbued me with many of the dojo principles we all cherish. Or the high stakes (2 months detention!) spelling bee between dim-bulb mamaluke Tommy Amanti and the sadistic Dean of Discipline, Doc.

Every Ivy leaguer who hears this episode will hate my guts. Find out why I already hate theirs.

What’s the hideous disconnect between education and real smarts? They’re lying to us, friends… shoveling untruths at us with both hands. Listen and learn.

Meet our new Dojo sensei – the tip-of-the-spear airborne infantryman now at the ready to help you slap your adversaries (and problems) into submission. Get at him and the rest of us at thatlarryshow@gmail.com or call the dojo at 302-71-larry. We’re here to help. And we’ll be trying to do that with greater frequency when we launch our Nuggets From the Dojo mini-sodes later this month. We’ll hand-pick universal life dilemmas you send us and share them with the world – the Patreon world, that is, starting with yellow or blue belt dojo members (we’ve not yet decided which.) And our next bonus episode – on how to transform yourself into the only superhero worthy of his cape – Superman – will also be available only to Patreonis – so what are you waiting for?

It is now officially summer. From Bangor to Baja, that means tee shirt weather. The store is nearly sold out of our original TNS dojo shirts in gunfighter black. We may make each run unique, so if you miss these, they may not be repeated.

Official TNS Dojo tee in Gunfighter Black

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Follow the show on Twitter , where we often throw out bon mots and sometimes incendiary epithets about Commies and other pukes.

And all our bangin’ thumbnails are now in one tidy gallery on Instagram for your viewing pleasure. Are they the best thumbnails in all of podcast land? So they tell me. Maybe we should make a calendar of them.

 

Episode 28: How To Be a Mack Daddy

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The most brilliant comment Larry ever heard • When is the right time to have a kid? • Larry’s movement, DAD’S LIVES MATTER • Why is Dad always a punch line? • Meet the dead beat moms • Two words that ID the fathers you want to avoid (or deck) •  What is a lactating daddy? • Are you one? (If so, KYS) • Time travel with Larry (not for WIMPS!) • IN SEARCH OF…the sitcom that depicts mom as a villain  • SPOILER: This episode will change you forever. Beware.

This is the ULTIMATE Father’s Day primer. If you have a dad, are a dad, plan on being a dad or are being pressured by some pointy chick into becoming a dad – YOU MUST LISTEN TO THIS EPISODE. It’s your last chance to save yourself – and maybe the world.

Join the dojo Patreon for special rewards – like signed books, custom recordings and bonus episodes. Patreonis have learned how to exact revenge and leave adversaries in a puddle of their own failure, smooth AF. These are secrets you need to know.

Upcoming on Patreon this month – How To Make  Yourself into Superman. All your life you’ve wanted to fly and be bullet-proof, yes? This is the way.

Send us your troubles at thatlarryshow@gmail.com and we’ll help. (Are any of those other podcasts doing that for you? Answer: No. So why are you listening to them?)

Follow the show on Twitter for snarky/brutal comments about Commies and the pencil-necked punks you want to strangle. In fact, I want to start a Twitter war with somebody and tweet them into oblivion. Any suggestions?

Episode 27: Bluff Your Way to Success

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Some chick tries to sterilize Larry on an airplane • Larry’s Mexican Stand-Offs — in Mexico • Why “I’ll make the best of it” is loser talk • How we zoom ourselves • The greatest bluff of all time • Why were there flies on Larry’s fly? • What the hell is Dolph Lundgren doing in a Mayan Temple? • Head fakes and Jedi mind tricks • Larry’s vaccine for Montezuma’s Revenge (it’s 80 proof) • The difference between a lie and a bluff • All this and more!

Here we are at the 1/2 year point in show. Who would have guessed? Listeners in 82 (yes, that’s eighty- two) countries around the world. There’s no stopping us now. “Pointy” has already become part of the American lexicon. Will T.N.S. soon be on everyone’s lips… and fists? It’s up to you, my friends

Tell everyone you know about the dojo – friends of course, but adversaries as well – let’s put all punks on notice. Get to iTunes right now and lay 5 stars on the show – that’s the fastest way to spread the TNS movement.

Join the dojo Patreon for special rewards and bonus episodes. Then send us your troubles at thatlarryshow@gmail.com and we’ll help. (Are any of those other podcasts doing that for you? Answer: No they’re not.)

Follow the show on Twitter, where you might glimpse a peek of yours truly rendered as one of TDS’s Lego mini-figs, like here:

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yes, that’s me on the right, beside the pointy Peach Saliva. (Thank you, Dick!)  There were two other TDS co-hosts in the original image, but I cropped them out. Maybe Dick Masterson will give me the mold to this thing and I can offer them at the TNS Dojo Store with the official Dojo tee shirts: 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If you want to see all our thumbnails in one snappy archive, they’re on permanent display at Instagram. Checkum out.

In other news, last week’s thumbnail was rejected by Facebook censors as being “too sexual.” Looks like what one might see at any beach on the planet. What do you think? But I suppose pointy chix would be intimidating to girly-man Suckerberg. However, he runs video ads for Trojan with people fitting condoms on bananas. No doubt that kind of content is right in little hoodie-boi’s comfort zone.

Bonus Episode 3 – Vengeance is Ours, Part 3 – the CLIMAX

GET THIS EPISODE ON PATREON HERE

Everybody has payback on his mind, and this trilogy, this final hail of bullets episode will make you want to go back in time to dismantle every cretin who ever did you dirt. This is a million megaton revenge story where Larry and his pals reduce an adversary to a gibbering puddle of defeat. Best of all, it’s a how – to – guide. Don’t miss it!

How did a pyromaniac  nearly get Larry kicked out of school? • What Valentine did Larry give the high school Dean that made his head explode? • How did Larry prove Confucius wrong? • Why did Larry eat lunch standing up for four years? • What did Larry plant in Tommy Amanti’s locker that resulted in Tommy’s destruction? • What’s the ultimate repurposed gift? • How to break into a Porsche 911 in under 5 seconds. • All this and more in the explosive climax of VENGEANCE IS OURS.

Get at Larry via email: thatlarryshow@gmail.com

Twitter

Or call 302-71-Larry

Episode 26: Dangerous Summer Fun

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Larry (in a Pontiac) battles Psycho Steroid Hercules • Where are the pointiest chix in North America? • Larry almost becomes a victim • When Larry was a wimp • The ultimate pointy chick arcade game • Secrets to your best summer ever • Who you should mock mercilessly, and how  • How to teach a four-year-old to body surf • Meet Larry’s T.N.S Dad • Best episode yet! • And more, more, more!

Who’s the pointiest Pinball Princess? She is.

Download episode and HEAR the Bride of Pinbot seduce Larry.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

UPCOMING: (within 24 – 48 hours) – the CLIMAX of the epic Patreon trilogy Vengeance is Ours. 

Everybody has payback on their mind, and this trilogy, this final hail of bullets episode will make you want to go back in time to dismantle every cretin who ever did you dirt. This is a million megaton revenge story where Larry and his pals reduce an adversary to a gibbering puddle of defeat. Best of all, it’s a how – to – guide. Don’t miss it!

Getcha Official TNS Dojo Shirt here and tell the world you Take No Shit (discretely).

TNS Dojo Shirt in Gunfighter Black

Episode 25: Hollywood Sleaze

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Who is Mickey Gubitosi? • Who inspired Larry to Take No Sh*t?• Why is Robert Blake banging a gorilla? • Why did Robert Blake mention Larry Bleidner on Larry King? • Why Robert Blake worries about his testicles • Is Robert Blake taller than you? • How Larry found  O.J. Simpson in the Twilight Zone • What word is written on Larry’s imaginary blimp? • Why were Starsky & Hutch 2nd rate wimps? • How to escape misery • Who was the coolest TV pimp?  All this and more!

Yes, this is showbiz, friends, so load up on the dish and dirt straight from the fakery factory… Hollywood USA.

Hot bonus episode coming up this week – the CLIMAX of the Vengeance is Ours trilogy, and it’s only available on Patreon. So join the dojo and hang with a crew that lives the Take No Sh*t life.

Follow Larry on Twitter , and if you’ve got a Facebook friend or Twitter pal with a ton of friends/followers, have them endorse thatlarryshow.com in a post or Tweet, send a screen shot to thatlarryshow@gmail.com and the biggest endorsement wins you this official TNS dojo shirt.

Don’t forget to give us 5 (throwing) stars over at iTunes

Episode 24: The 3 Keys to a Great Life

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What are the 3 keys? • Tony Spumonte and the glass meatball • How Larry beat the neighbors from hell • Who is the Fabulous Don Kane? • What is he laughing about? • What is the “jelly bean corollary” and how can it save YOUR life? • Why everything you own is a souvenir • How to pick the perfect mate • All this and MORE!

Plus, follow Larry on Twitter and win a TNS Dojo t-shirt while staying abreast of an impending throw-down with Dick Masterson. Listeners are screaming for it, and I’m not about to let my friends down. What about Dick?  You’ll have to ask him.

Here are two long-standing Dojo members – the fabulous newlyweds Sarah & Raf. Congratulations!  Which do they love more – each other, or their official 100% cotton, sensual yet dangerous TNS Dojo shirts?

If you want to be heard – really heard – you can vocalize any time by dialing 302-71-Larry. If we play your voice mail, listeners in 78 nations (at last count) will hear your voice. How’s that for global fame?

Even more than fisticuffs with that other, rage-filled pod-caster, people want a live show/meetup – and so do I.  So tell all friends, enemies and strangers about the show. Pop over to iTunes and drop 5 stars on us. And join the TNS Dojo , for your own good and the good of the nation.

 

Episode 23: Thirty-one Minutes to a New You

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How to win a free TNS Dojo t-shirtConfidence – how to get it, how to keep it • Why everything they tell you about booze and drugs is a lie • How to pick cool friends and unload the losers in your life • The magic word that guarantees success • What to do if you hate your friend’s fiancé • What is cripple culture? • Innocuous words they use to control you • Why solitude is good for you • Starter kit for broken hearts • All this and more!

HOW TO WIN THIS SHIRT:

Got a celebrity-caliber Facebook friend or Twitter follower? Have them endorse thatlarryshow.com in a post or Tweet, send a screen shot to thatlarryshow@gmail.com and yours may be randomly selected. If it is, you get the free shirt.

Or, you could just buy one here: The TNS Dojo Store

How do they look “on”? Here’s two proud and satisfied dudes with that TNS ‘tude“justified” Jay Lacy and the untamed Matt Savage.

Besides all the brawn, brains and good-looks, many TLS listeners are creative giants. Check out this amazing logo art by Jim Schmatz:

Can you see that on a t-shirt? I’m seeing it on shirts, stickers, coffee mugs, shot glasses, brandy snifters, and inked on the thighs of pointy chix. Have I missed anything?

Episode 22: Killing Psychic Vampires

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Spot and destroy the vampires bleeding YOU • Larry watches a friend lose his car,  guns and mind to a psychic vampire • Listen as a psychic vampire claims a victim • How a baby saved Larry from a psychic vampire •  Can you kill a vampire with a shotgun? • What’s an equipment whore? • Larry meets a guy with more hobbies than brains • How a trophy wrecked a man • Why alma mater pride says, “I’m a failure.”